


Raise a Glass to Internet

by thebriars



Series: Raise a Glass [1]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Aromantic Angelica, Canon Non-Binary Character, Child Abuse, F/F, Henry Laurens' A+ Parenting, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Mild Language, Multi, New York City, Poor John, YouTube, lots of angst like my soul
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-18
Updated: 2017-08-18
Packaged: 2018-11-13 02:17:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 35
Words: 26,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11174931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebriars/pseuds/thebriars
Summary: John has finally made it to New York and he's planning on spending his break year earning money from his art and his growing YouTube channel. Of course, nothing's ever normal in the life of John Laurens.Alex is enjoying ranting senselessly on YouTube and spending time with his best friends. And then there's the mysterious and beautiful boy and his art channel. He wasn't planning on a crush.





	1. The Big Apple Isn't Even Red

**Author's Note:**

> Ok this is my first fic on Ao3 so don't murder me i'm innocent. This hasn't really been proof read but apparently Microsoft Word gives you advice now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp hello
> 
> I rewrote this first chapter because the original was shitttttttt
> 
> Anyway I will probs be going through the next few chapters and editing them...
> 
> But moving on THANKS FOR BEING HERE MWAH MWAH MWAH

There was something about New York that made John incredibly excited and undeniably nervous from the second he stepped off the plane. Not that there was anywhere else he'd rather be. John Laurens had absolutely no intentions of returning to South Carolina of his own free will.

He sighed, adjusted his suitcase, and carried on.

Of course, this break year was going to be precious. No father to worry about, a space of his own, and plenty of time to film. John had a year to get his shit together and start bio at Columbia.

Oh, god, New York was everything he had dreamed of. John didn't have to hide his work, his passions, _himself_ anymore.

Yes, there was something about New York. It was called freedom.

 

He was happy, for once. Alexander Hamilton could truthfully say that he was happy. Was it the excitement of college, a year away? Was it the thrill of leaving the Washington's home for his new place? Was it the relief of knowing that high school was over? Was it thankfulness that his awkward relationship with Eliza had settled into a close friendship?

Alex didn't know, but he did know a few things for sure. He was living in an apartment with a French exchange student and a senior, both friends of George and Martha. His channel was growing steadily. Alex was speeding towards success at break-neck speed.

This was everything he had ever wanted.

But there was a little warmth in his heart as he scrolled through every single raise_a_glass video. There was a little embarrassment when Laf teased him about it.

Maybe he had a crush, too. Maybe. But not really. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly this is still shit but oH WELL


	2. The Big Apple Isn't Even Red

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so I'm thinking of writing this fic in a sort of written YouTube video/actual story combo. Idk tho but here we go

John’s apartment was indeed tiny. Just one bedroom/kitchen combo with a miniscule bath off to the side. 270 square feet that was John’s and only John’s. He started unpacking. Having managed to fit most of his art into a few suitcases along with some books and memorabilia, John was able to get most stuff up within the first few days of arriving. Eventually, he decided that it was necessary to get a few basic kitchen supplies and bedding. Albeit reluctantly, John left the safety of his apartment to adventure in the Big Apple. 

Henry hadn’t pulled any funding yet, as John was still closeted and pretending that he didn’t have a YouTube account or an art career. Basically, Henry knew only the straight-A, football star with a steady girlfriend John and not the real person. Maybe this killed a part of John’s heart, and maybe it merely pushed him harder. John didn’t know. 

John also realized that he had to post a video, so he snapped his camera in place on his tripod and tried to find good lighting in the tiny space. Maybe he could use his birthday money to get a light. 

He cleared his throat and pressed the recording button before flopping down on his bed (Couch? Bed? John wasn’t sure). 

“Hey guys, I’m John in the place to be, and I want to apologize for not getting a video up on Wednesday. Moving has been a hassle, but I’m here in NYC now! Shout out to all my New Yorkers in the comment section. Whoever has the best Big Apple story gets to be next week’s show stopper, which I guess I need to do. Oh, shit, damn that hurt… and here we go. Thank you to actual-ginny-weasley for your awesome moving story. Honestly, you had me in tears. Thank you for being fucking hilarious. You made my day. Guys, go check out their comment on my last vid. You will not be disappointed. 

“Okay, I don’t have any art stuff to do today because, ya know, moving, but I’d like to do something that has been highly requested. So here it is, a Q and A. Y’all have been asking for this for ages, and in thanks for two hundred, I’ll put it into existence. So, here we go! Q and A. 

“What is your last name? This comes from, uh, I am not going to try and pronounce that, so here it is.” John laughed, rather breathlessly, and settled against his throw pillows. A good background was crucial. 

“I can’t answer that on here in full, but I will tell you that it starts with an L. That’s it for now, sorry. Anyway, next question. This is from rachelisreal. Ahem- when and where was your first kiss? Oo, good one. Um, my high school girlfriend, Martha and I kissed behind the bleachers in freshman year. Cheesy, huh? Okay, our next question comes from mariethefangirl. What is my go-to sketchbook? This is going to turn into a mini-rant, but here we go. 

“I’ve used this Canson mixed-media sketchbook since forever. Seven-by-ten is the best size. The paper is great. I do pencil, pastel, charcoal, ink, copic marker, watercolor, anything on here. It is that great, trust me. Definitely check this one out. Okay, next question. 

“Favorite brushes? Simply Simmons, for sure. That was from christopheriscool. Christopher is cool, by the way. And from peterj, for our last one today, what is your sexuality?” 

John paused, heart thudding against his chest, before grinning back at the camera and giving a little laugh. 

“I knew this was coming. Er, that is for me to know and you to find out. Guys, thank you so much for two hundred. You have no idea how much this means to me. Y’all have improved this last year by millions and I have loved this so much. Alright, I will catch you next week, if you catch me. Raise a glass!” 

John let out a breath and dropped his exuberant façade. It was tiring to keep up a playful and happy attitude for a few minutes straight when you felt more like eating popcorn and binge watching old Kim Possible episodes. 

So, John did just that, laughing over Ron and Rufus’s antics and Monique’s sarcasm (Shego took the cake, though, for the best little quips). Nothing like old TV shows to pick up your mood. John fell asleep at the ripe time of midnight, but he felt significantly better. Keeping his identity secret from his fans was one of the hardest things he had done. 

John slept well until he woke up in a cold sweat, his dreams haunted by his father looming over him, his hand raised for yet another hit. John lay awake until morning, trying to convince himself that Henry Laurens wasn’t in New York.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok go at me in the comments because I live on constructive criticism. Also, sorry if I accidently used your username I swear I made them up on the spot. Once more, this was not really proof read so let me know if I need to fix anything. 
> 
> Also, I have recently rediscovered KP episodes and got myself hooked again but honestly do they ever get old? and Shego is so sarcastic??


	3. Killer Coffee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so here we go. did I write a chapter at midnight? maybe.

Alex sipped his classic two-shots-of-expresso coffee, his fingers clacking away at the keys of his laptop. This break year was supposed to be a way for Alex to launch his writing and YouTube careers, but George had also told him that he needed to take the time to relax and recuperate after the frenzy of senior year and the move from Nevis. Like that was going to happen.

Laf was supposed to show up five minutes ago, and they were never late. Alex impatiently checked his watch, a graduation gift from the Washingtons. The killer coffee wasn’t doing much to spike his brain into action, though. Herc thought that Alex had built up a tolerance to caffeine, which was probably true. But Alex didn’t ever admit that he was wrong. It wasn’t in his nature- not one bit. 

Where was Laf?

Herc burst through the doors, waving a sheet of paper enthusiastically. “Alex! Guess what!” 

“What happened to-?” 

“Laf? They’re a little sidetracked. Ya know, fans. But look at this!”

Herc shoved the paper in Alex’s face. He began to read, eyes scanning the page faster than Herc could track. “Dear Mr. Mulligan, you have been invited to… KingCon? Herc, that’s awesome!” 

George King was a well-known YouTuber. Alex didn’t agree with a single syllable he muttered, but KingCon was huge for YouTubers on the east coast. Herc had been dreaming about the invitation for months. 

“I’m freaking out,” Herc said, bouncing around Alex’s table. 

“Yeah, I can see,” Alex quipped. “Do you want a muffin? I got it for Laf, but…” 

“Yes, I want a muffin. Don’t you know me?” Herc snatched it from the plate before Alex could say anything else. He sighed and went back to typing, shaking his head. 

“Are you going to sit down?”

“No.”

“Figures. How swamped is Laf?” Alex sipped the last lukewarm drop of coffee and frowned into the empty mug. 

“Don’t know. They just sent a quick text. To the chat. Do you check your phone?” Herc had stopped bouncing, but he might be close to trying a backflip from excitement. 

“Okay, number one, I do, I’m just busy; two, chill man. You’re going to make this place blow up.” Alex pondered ordering another coffee, but the line was growing longer and he wanted to keep writing. This essay was going to the Wall Street Journal. Or so he hoped. 

“I can’t chill, Alex.” 

“Yeah, I know, but can’t you try to not-?” 

Lafayette blew in threw the doors, looking particularly glamorous and glowing like a child on Christmas, a grin engulfing their face. Herc looked a little star struck, but he regained his composure quickly. “Laf, look! I got an invite to KingCon.”

“Really, Herc? That’s great!” Laf seemed to be vibrating with positive energy and joy. 

“What happened to you?” Alex asked, assessing his friend’s state of first-grade-teacher-with-hopes-for-a-not-shitty-year-dom. 

“I met a fan. Who happened to be another YouTuber. By the name of Maria.”

“Wait, Maria Reynolds?” 

“The very same! She was- how you say, Herc- amazing. Elle est incroyable.” Laf glanced around the table. “Do I have a muffin?” 

“I ate it,” Herc said bluntly. Laf sighed and dropped into the other chair, but the momentary disappointment at their missing muffin blew over as quickly as Alex typed. 

“She said she loved my videos! Maria Reynolds, the queen of YouTube, said she loved my videos! This is amazing. Mon dieu, I cannot believe it. Ma vie est complète. Je mourrai un homme heureux. Herc, vous ne prêtez pas attention,” Laf looked dubiously at Herc, who was watching a young police officer take a seat with passive interest.

“You’re Frenching again, Laf,” Alex sighed, glancing up for a second to give Laf a Look. 

“Oh. Désolé.” 

“Anyway, Herc’s going to KingCon, Laf met Maria Reynolds, and I’m out of coffee. Let’s get going.” Alex slid his laptop into his backpack and stretched lazily. Laf sighed, rolling their eyes with everlasting patience. Herc merely tossed the muffin wrapper into a trash can and walked to the door, followed by Laf and Alex. 

Alex darted back to the table to take his mug up to the counter while Laf and Herc waited outside. The coffee shop smelled like sugar and latte, a familiar and comforting thing for Alex. He considered himself a walking example of the coffee shop aesthetic (Or at least, he hoped he was. Laf disagreed) and the patron saint of multiple expresso shots and late nights at the computer. The local coffee shop had been his haven throughout high school, and now he had friends to share it with. Alex breathed in the warmth for a moment, letting his eyes close for a moment and dropping his guard while he walked outside. NYC was bustling. It never slept, something for which Alex was grateful. He didn’t feel alone while he typed like a madman at one in the morning. 

Alex’s peaceful thoughts were interrupted when he crashed into something. 

Someone. 

Someone he recognized. 

His hair was more curly and soft-looking in person, and god, those freckles. But Alex had never realized how beautiful his eyes were. Amber and gold, with flecks of warm brown to match his skin. They were rimmed with a thin line the same dark color of his hair, and together they were more perfect than coffee shops and Laf’s highlight. 

John. 

“Oh my god, I’m sorry!” John said, a hand flying to his mouth and the other reaching down to Alex. 

It was only then that Alex realized he was on the ground. “It’s no big,” he laughed, but his heart was pounding as he reached up to take John’s hand. Which had freckles too. And paint, and a streak of charcoal or graphite on the bottom of his fist. 

Their fingers met, and Alex could feel Laf’s eyes boring into him. 

It was a soft hand, soft and strong. Alex decided there on the spot that he loved John’s hands. He also loved the effortless way John pulled him to his feet. 

Alex was aware that he was not handsome. He had a big nose and eyes just as overlarge. And his irises weren’t as complex as John’s or Lafayette’s- they were simply brown. And his hair was uneven and dark and tended to get greasy. And his skin was tan and yet sallow and the bags beneath his eyes were pronounced and purple and he was tiny and he was rather weak from the sickness he had gotten when he was young and, and, and, and, and. 

But John was beautiful. And that was what mattered. 

Apparently, Laf was like some strange French Aphrodite. They sensed Alex’s panic mode setting in, even though Alex was adept at hiding feelings. It had only been a brief second since he had stood back up, and yet Alex was already stalling. 

Alexander Hamilton at a loss for words. 

Huh. 

“Pardon, monsieur, but are you John? From Raise a Glass?” Laf asked, stepping forward with genuine curiosity. 

“Uh, yeah, I am,” John said, smiling awkwardly. “And you’re Lafayette, right? From Guns and Ships and Sparkles?” 

“Oui. I have to say, I really enjoy your videos.” Laf grinned at the shorter boy, whose cheeks were turning a faint rosy color. 

“You watch my videos? Wow,” John breathed. 

“Actually, Alexander here introduced me to them. But I love your techniques. Also, your Q and A was hilarious.”

Alex didn’t see where Laf was going with this. Herc looked a tad bit jealous, and Alex felt the green fire stirring in his chest. And he wasn’t sure who it was for. Laf had better not be messing with emotions again.

“Honestly, I’m so honored to know you watch my stuff. You made my day,” John laughed, a grin spreading across his face. “And I love your content too. Your Harry Potter tutorials are my favorite things online.”

“Really? I am the honored one now!” Laf practically squealed. John was smiling brighter. Alex started to see him as a physical embodiment of a sunflower. “And, by the way, these are my friends Hercules and Alexander. They are also on YouTube.”

Oh. Alex saw what Laf was doing. 

“Hey, I’m Alexander Hamilton. Thanks for helping me up.”

“Hi, and I’m sorry for running into you.”

Alex never thought those words could make him fall so hard. 

Later, Alex had simultaneously hugged and chided Lafayette. But he couldn’t be mad. Who can be mad when they had John’s number in their contacts? Herc had rolled his eyes at Alex’s antics, but the relief was flowing off him in happy waves. 

So, maybe Alex did have a crush. A big one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does anyone personally relate to Alex because I'm aromantic and I have no idea how to write a crush


	4. Phone Calls are Stressful

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welp here we go. The formatting on this sight is really tricky so I've edited the first chapter about three million times because the breaks kept disappearing kmn

baguette has added turtlesrrad, fightme, and nicepants to a group chat. 

fightme: hi

baguette: hola

turtlesrrad: aren’t you French

baguette: your point

nicepants: what r we doing here

baguette: we need to collab or something

fightme: live streeeeeeaaaaaam

fightme: with the schuylers

nicepants: fuck yeah

turtlesrrad: wAIT the schuyler sisters??????? 

nicepants: imma add them

nicepants had added localangel, cinnamonroll, and pegleg to the group chat. 

localangel: hello 

cinnamonroll: what

turtlesrrad: omfg kmn

pegleg: I like turtles too

baguette: this is john

baguette: he is a youtuber too

localangel: coolio

pegleg: never say that again angie

pegleg: ever

 

John sighed happily and flopped down on his bed (couch??). NYC was starting to feel like home. He had a few speed paints in stock and a tutorial on drawing hands to upload within the coming weeks. The new apartment was great and Henry hadn’t called once. 

He was on top of the world. 

Peggy and Herc were arguing in the chat over something Herc owed her. It was great to have friends, John decided. He had never been very close to anyone besides Francis and Martha, but then Francis decided to become an asshole.

John contemplated searching Netflix for a new show or starting a painting of a photo he took on the street. After spending a moment chewing on his bottom lip, John groaned and hopped off the bed to his easel. 

Just as he was starting a wash on the background, Alex called. John smiled and answered. 

“Hey Alex.”

“Okay, okay, okay. We are all going to be doing a collab night at our place on Saturday. Just a livestream and then collab videos while we’re at it. I think Laf wants to give me a makeover.”

“Sounds great,” John laughed, picking through his palette knives for his personal favorite: a smooth metal one from Martha. 

“Also, I want to spill,” Alex said nervously. 

“Ooh, gossip? I didn’t pick you as the type.”

“Fuck off, John, and it’s not gossip,” Alex sighed. 

“Fine, but you’d better tell me everything.”

“Sure.” 

John scraped some yellow across the pale blue canvas, going lightly so that he’d leave the grooves untouched behind him. "Are you going to spill or what?” Alex had quickly become John’s closest friend out of their group within the weeks that had passed since the coffee shop and the group chat’s birth and John was thankful for his company. Alex was a constant in the bustling world of NYC.

“Ya, hold on.” Everything became muffled for a second. “Angie, can you- what? No. Okay, fine, but you have to- yeah, that. Sure.” 

John shook his head and dragged some phthalo green in along the horizon line. “Okay, I’m back. Sorry about that. I’m just going to jump into this. Have you noticed Herc dancing around Laf lately? Because I think Herc’s fallen hard. But- never mind.”

“Um, yeah, it’s a little obvious to me. He seems like a lost puppy. And “but” what?” John held his breath, his brush hovering above the canvas. 

Alex paused, leaving the line silent and John dangling, before he inhaled sharply. “But you like Laf, don’t you?” 

John’s heart dropped like the New Year’s ball. “No. Laf’s great, but… no.” 

He set the brush back down into the water and sat back, waiting for Alex to reply. 

Alex laughed nervously. “Oh. Huh, sorry. I don’t even know if you’re, er, into guys.” 

“It’s fine; don’t apologize.” John grabbed the phone and headed to the kitchenette. He needed ice cream. 

“I don’t know what to do about it though, because I think Laf’s into someone else and I don’t want Herc’s heart to get broken.” 

“Yeah, I know. Who’s Laf crushing on?” 

Another pause. 

“I don’t think you know them.” Alex sounded breathy and nervous. 

“Try me,” John laughed, testing the waters. 

Yet another pause, followed by a crash and a muffled “Oh shit!” 

“Um, Alex?” John picked a piece of cookie dough from the container and waited. 

“Ahh, sorry, sorry. I dropped the phone- behind the couch-,” Alex grumbled. “Shit!”

“How about I call you back later?” John chuckled, scooping out some ice cream with his spoon. 

“Okay, I’ll talk to you later, then,” Alex called. 

John hung up and dropped against the wall. This sucked. A love triangle was not what he needed right now, and the call had been painfully rushed and awkward. 

He had a feeling Alex hadn’t dropped the phone on accident.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> who else hates phone calls with a burning passion


	5. Angelica is Too Smart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow five chapters already???? why can't I write other stuff this fast. This is very short and kinda just an Alex-rants-too-much part but maybe a little bit of plot advancement (oh wait I don't really have a plot and i'm just listening to Yorktown on repeat)

Alex groaned and flipped back over the arm of the sofa onto his stomach. Angie watched him from the corner, one of her perfectly shaped brows cocked and her tight-lipped smile letting him know she saw right through him. 

“Angie, shut up.”

“I haven’t said a single thing,” Angie said loftily. 

She waited, her pencil pressed against one of her dimples. The Schuylers had been helping brainstorm for collab and livestream ideas. Alex knew she would hold the apprehension in the room for hours, so he cracked. 

“Okay, okay. He’s just… beautiful, you know?” 

“I’m aromantic, so not really.” 

“Fuck off, Angie, I know you can recognize a nice face,” Alex snapped. 

Angie laughed. Their banter was familiar and easy. Maybe it seemed biting and cruel from the outside, but their wits matched perfectly. 

“Yeah, I do know. He’s gorgeous and he’s kind. Just… we don’t know who he is.” 

“He’s an artist and a YouTuber. I do know John and I trust him.”

“No, you don’t. He hasn’t said anything about his past or his interests, not to mention his sexuality. Don’t go chasing after someone you may not be able to have at all.” Sometimes Angelica was too smart for her own good. Or Alex’s. 

“He’s taking a break year before he goes to Columbia for bio,” Alex protested feebly.

“But you don’t really understand him, Alex.” Angie went back to writing. “Besides, he mentioned a girlfriend in a video. And he’s from South Carolina.” 

“Maybe he’s bi. Or pan. Angie, I don’t know what to do. Herc likes Laf and Laf likes John and I like John and I don’t know who John likes!” Alex rubbed his hands across his face, pulling at his skin. 

“Just don’t go around breaking your own heart, Alex,” Angie said quietly, rising from the armchair and heading to the kitchen. “You want popcorn?” 

Alex groaned again. “Yeah.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> angelica is my fav


	6. Pizza and Maria Reynolds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woah look I wrote another chapter shocking

John stood outside the apartment door, his hand hovering above the knocker. He hadn’t visited Alex’s place yet, and for some reason, his heart was pounding. John had made an effort to tame his hair back into a smoother ponytail that afternoon, but it was pointless to try and calm the frizzy curls in the back. He ran a nervous hand across his scalp.

He sucked in a breath and dropped the heavy metal hoop against the door. 

Once, twice, three times. 

Lafayette opened the door almost immediately, a camera already in their hand. 

“John, mon ami!” They embraced John quite suddenly, startling him. 

“Hey Laf. How’s life?” he laughed, stepping back awkwardly. 

“Merveilleux,” they said. “What about y- gah! Alex, get off!” 

Alex had launched his small body onto Laf’s back, his hair pulled back in a messy bun. John found it strangely endearing. Alex looked better rested than he had the last time they’d met for coffee. 

“What’s up, Alex?” John asked, biting back snickers as Laf twisted around beneath the smaller man. 

“Not much. You?” Alex sounded breathless, his dark eyes focusing on John. 

 

Damn, John was beautiful. Alex hopped off Laf, letting them straighten up and glare down at him, perfectly flicked eyeliner scrunching as they frowned. 

“Mon petit lion, you are oddly strong.”

John chuckled behind him and Alex whipped around. “You ready to film?” 

“Wasn’t Laf recording just then?” 

“I was not, but I wish I had been. Has Eliza got the pizza yet?” Laf fixed their spherical ponytail with precision. Alex suddenly felt self-conscious about his bedhead and old t-shirt. 

Herc came up behind Laf, making them jump. 

“Pizza’s on the way. We should’ve ordered Chinese, though,” he grumbled. 

“You were outvoted, Herc. This is a democracy,” Alex quipped. 

“Actually,” Laf started. 

“Shush…” Alex whispered, holding a finger against their (purple) lips. He had never noticed how smooth Laf’s lips were. 

Wait, what? 

“Actually, Alex made an executive order. I wanted Italian,” Peggy sighed, walking by with a liter of Coke in her arms. “Hey John.” 

“Hola, Peg.” 

“This is an Alex-ocracy,” Herc sighed. “It’s unfair.” 

“We are on a budget.” Alex turned back to John, losing his breath for a moment as he noticed John’s amber eyes on Laf. His hair looked so touchable and Alex hated himself for wanting to braid it and mess up the curls. 

Angelica leaned around the corner, her dark hair falling around her shoulders. “Filming will commence in five minutes.”

“Gotcha,” Herc said, throwing finger guns and a wink her way. Angelica groaned and flipped him her middle fingers. 

“Woah, both of ‘em? Herc, you’re a dead man,” Alex said.

 

John watched Alex fool around with his friends with interest, but his eyes kept traveling back to Lafayette and their green eyeshadow. God, they were gorgeous.   
Alex was so vibrant that it made John’s head hurt in the best of ways. And he was adorably tiny. 

John could not be crushing on two people at once. This was not good. He wasn’t out to a single person yet.

A sudden knock at the door zapped John back to reality. 

“Wait, who’s that?” Herc asked, his brow furrowing. 

“Maria,” Laf sang. 

“Maria!?” Alex clutched his heart and sank against the wall. Peggy poked her head around the same corner Angelica had, her mouth wide open. 

“Maria Reynolds? And you didn’t tell me?!” She jumped forward, straightening her shirt and rumpling her hair. 

“Peggy, you’re fine,” John assured, but he was just as nervous. Maria Reynolds was huge on YouTube, doing everything from makeup tutorials to viral challenges and daily vlogs. John gulped as Laf turned the door knob. 

Maria was prettier in real life than on screen. She wasn’t conventional pretty, but rather breathtakingly gorgeous and nearly mystical. With her trademark red lipstick and messy side part, she seemed tangible and yet far away. 

“Hi Laf,” she said nervously, grinning at them. They embraced her in a hug as well. “Nice eyeshadow!” Maria exclaimed, studying the emerald pigment. 

“Everybody, this is Maria,” Laf announced, doing some Will Smith pose as Maria waved. 

“Alexander Hamilton!” 

“Herc.” 

“I’m John.” 

“And Peggy!” She held out a hand, which Maria shook carefully. She seemed out of place for a moment, but the knocker boomed again. “Pizza!” Peggy shouted, raising her arms in triumph. 

Laf guided Maria to the kitchen to meet Angelica, who was ranting about a professor on the countertop, and Eliza, who was stirring up her “famous” sherbet punch. Herc tried to take the pizza boxes from Peggy, which didn’t work, and Alex was left with John. They stood in comfortable silence for a moment before John whispered. 

“Poor Herc. Laf hasn’t looked his way all evening.” 

“I know, and it’s killing me.” 

Angelica called out that they were going to start filming. John and Alex shared a smile and dashed to the living room.

“You have a nice apartment.” 

“Laf is sickeningly rich.”

Eliza was watching Maria set up the light and mic with a helpless gaze. Alex shared yet another look with John, who shrugged. 

Once they had settled onto the couch and floor, Maria perched on the back of the sofa behind Eliza, Angelica pressed record.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how the hell do you italicize stuff on here


	7. Truth or Dare

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry that this ended up a little choppy, but oh well. 
> 
> BEEP BEEP BEEP  
> TW for mentions of abuse   
> BEEP BEEP BEEP

“Hello world, it’s the Schuyler sisters- three minds at work. Today we have some other YouTubers with us, whose accounts will be down in the description,” Angelica started, pointing down to the imaginary links. “But anyway, let’s go around and do some introductions. I’m Angelica.”

“Eliza!” 

“And Peggy!” 

Angelica pointed around the group, who shouted off their names. 

“Maria!” She tossed a happy grin. 

“Herc.” 

“Lafayette, mon amis!” 

“Alexander Hamilton.”

“John.” 

Angelica smiled at the camera. “So we all got together tonight to have some fun. I think we’re playing… truth or dare? Right?” 

Peggy nodded. “And then we’ll be on livestream. Imma tweet that out now; hold up.” 

Eliza leaned over Angelica. “Let’s go. I have some suggestions from Insta, Twitter, and the comments section. Wait, where’d they go?” As she searched for the jars, Alex turned to John again. John tried to stop staring at his intelligent eyes and lean muscles (tried). 

What was wrong with him? Shit. 

“I think Eliza has her eyes on Maria,” Alex whispered. 

“Um, yeah. But doesn’t Maria have a boyfriend?” 

“I don’t know if they have the best relationship, honestly.” 

“Eliza’s bi, right?” John fiddled with the edge of his tee, watching Herc chat it up with Lafayette, a wistful look in his eyes. 

“Yep.” 

“Well, we’ll have to-.” 

“Okay, I got it!” Eliza came back into the room, holding two mason jars above her head. “Angelica is asking me first.”

Angelica turned so she was facing her sister. “Okay, Betsy. Truth or dare.”

“Truth.”

“Wait, which one is the truth jar?”

“Um, the one that says truth on the top?” 

“Oh. Haha.” Angelica rummaged through the slips of paper before selecting one and drawing it out delicately. “Most embarrassing moment.”

Eliza flushed red. “Ah. I puked all over a cute flight attendant on the way back from France.”

Alex laughed unabashedly while the others groaned and patted Eliza’s back.

Eliza turned to Peggy. “Truth or dare?”

“Dare.”

“’kay. Oh, I’m glad you got this one. Put mayo in your hair.”

“Wait, what? Mayo?” Peggy jumped up, eyes wide. “Will it come out?”

“Yeah,” John called. 

“How do you know that?” Lafayette asked, twisting around with wide eyes.

“Barbeque mishap.” 

Alex laughed some more, his head thrown back against the pillows. “Your face, Laf! You looked so shocked!” 

Peggy left for the kitchen, grumbling. 

“Isn’t mayo good for your hair?” Herc glanced back at Maria who nodded. 

“Yeah, I haven’t tried it, though. Too gross, amirite?” 

Lafayette murmured their agreement. 

Peggy came back, holding a jar of mayo with delicate fingers, far away from her body. “Who’s putting this shit in?” 

“You are,” Alex said, holding up his hands in surrender as Peggy threw him the patented Schuyler glare. 

After Peggy had massaged the mayo into her scalp and promptly showered, Maria revealed that her least favorite YouTuber was Ben Arnold. Lafayette used a matte   
lipstick to fill in his eyebrows, Herc told everyone (again) that he was gay, and Alex had switched clothes with Angelica. 

Alex turned to John, a sheepish grin on his face. “Truth or dare?” 

“Truth.” 

“Okay. Worst memory.” Alex paused. 

John went into automatic panic mode. How the hell was he supposed to choose? There were so many. John opted for the easy way out. 

A half-truth. 

“I accidently locked myself in a closet when I was five. That fucking blew.” John hoped he sounded sincere. No one needed to know who really locked the door.

“Ugh, I’m getting claustrophobic just thinking about it,” Maria shuddered. 

Alex didn’t laugh this time. 

John took the jars from him while the others chatted. 

“Alright, Angelica. Truth or dare?” 

“Dare.” 

“Okay, this one’s funny. Tell Twitter a secret.”

“How is that funny?” Angelica shrieked, her eyes popping. 

“It’s fucking hilarious,” Alex snickered. Angelica groaned and unlocked her phone. 

“Fine. I’ve fallen in love before, even though I’m aro. I guess I’m gray, then? Or maybe I just thought it was love. Anyway, that’s a secret.” 

Eliza was staring open mouthed at her sister. Peggy stopped fidgeting with her hair to join in. “You fell in love? When?”

“Where?”

“Who?”

“How?”

“I need answers!” Peggy shouted, clutching at her face. 

“You’re not getting them,” Angelica replied loftily, publishing her tweet with finality. Alex burst out into song, suddenly, practically screeching “I Won’t Say I’m In Love”. Maria joined in, but her fabulous vocals stole the show. John joined in, singing with mocking passion. Angelica flopped onto her face, groaning loudly. 

“Can’t you annoy me without the amazing-ness?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok how do I write someone being in love 
> 
> aromantic problem amirite


	8. Spider Web

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg you guys have been making my heart soar... thank you so much for all the support!!!

John’s voice was beautiful. It was breathtaking. He and Maria chorused perfectly, their harmonies settling together as if they were separated twins reunited at last. Alex couldn’t handle it. 

That’s it. He wasn’t crushing. Alexander Hamilton was in love. 

But Lafayette watched John with such wide, sparkling eyes, smiling shyly whenever John looked their way. 

And Herc couldn’t keep his eyes off Laf. There was such tenderness and love in that gaze. 

Alex would think that John was devoting more attention to him, but then he’d turn to Laf and have the same level of interest as when he had been with Alex, and then give as much to Herc. 

So, the three roommates were tangled in a web of unrequited love, and leading back to John. But how to win over a guy who was so closed off? Alex studied his freckled face for clues, and the fear that flashed across John’s eyes when Alex had asked him about his worst memory… it stabbed Alex in the heart and ripped apart his soul. 

Seeing John hide that hurt, whatever it was for, was unbearable. And John seemed oblivious to the rest of them and their troubles. Alex groaned and rolled over on the couch, burrowing his face in the cushions. 

“Um, Alex? Are you alright?” 

“Nhnhn.” 

“Okay,” John said dubiously, reaching over to rub Alex’s shoulder. Alex’s skin tingled beneath John’s touch. This was not helping. But it did feel nice. 

Alex leaned into John’s touch, giving way to him. John’s heart gave a little jump. Out of the corner of his eye, John saw Laf turn away. 

He looked heartbroken. 

John blinked a few times. He had to have imagined it. 

Herc came barging in, waving his arms frantically. “Live stream goes on at eight thirty. Eliza and Maria are on pizza duty. What’s wrong, Laf?” Herc crouched down to Lafayette’s eye level. Laf grinned sheepishly. 

“I’m fine.” They brushed Herc away. Alex sat up, his eyes narrowed. Herc glanced up to meet his gaze. Herc shrugged, but he looked worried. Alex bit his lip and flicked his eyes over to John. John frowned, his brow furrowing. 

Was Laf crushing on Alex? 

It would make sense. Alex was amazing- he was brilliant, beautiful, witty, and kind. Who wouldn’t like him?

John certainly wouldn’t. 

“Pizza, coming through!” Maria called, followed by a grinning Eliza. 

Alex leaned over John to snag a piece as they walked by, pressing his body against John’s and whacking him in the face with his bun. Laf tried to smile.

“Do you use… strawberry shampoo?” John asked, catching a whiff of a sweet, summery aroma. 

Alex blushed furiously. “Yeah?” 

“Smells good,” John said sheepishly, sinking against the sofa. He wanted to fall of the earth. 

“Oh. Thanks,” Alex giggled. John smiled shyly. Alex brushed his hair out of his eyes, sinking his teeth into a piece of pizza. 

John moved his gaze off Alex. His hands were nearly shaking. This was not happening. John snagged Laf’s eyes and smiled. Laf lit up like a Christmas tree and John’s heart warmed. 

 

Lafayette hated this. They loved John’s happy grin; his starry freckles; his bright, golden eyes. But they also loved Herc’s steady personality; his booming laugh; his presence. And then there was Alex. Alex, with his genius and his non-stop action. Alex, with bottomless eyes and strong hands. 

Fuck, this sucked. 

Laf was indeed enamored with three different men, none more than the other, but they all seemed to look the other way. Laf saw the way Alex stared after John and the way Herc followed Alex through the room with helpless eyes. And John seemed so… above it all. But none of them watched Laf. Not one. They were all caught in a sticky spider web, thick with secrets and hidden emotions. Laf wished they would all just come clean. A broken heart was better than a hopeless one. They would rather have Alex tell them he wasn’t interested than dangle from the precipice, uncertainty the only thing keeping them holding on. 

Laf felt that the only way to describe what they felt was through French, but Alex was the only one who could understand. 

And Alex wasn’t listening. 

 

Herc saw Laf’s injured expression and slumped posture. He saw John’s broken stare and Alex’s anxious one. Herc had always been a man of questions, and now there were too many to count or handle. 

What was John hiding? 

How much did Alexander understand?

Who was Laf after, anyway?

Did they want Herc the way he wanted them all?

Herc decided to play it by ear. He felt rather like Aaron Burr, the man in the next apartment. Of course, Herc hoped he wouldn’t end up waiting that much. Aaron needed a shove or two.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry not sorry


	9. Livestream and Broadway

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this ended up being so short...

Eliza started livestreaming exactly at eight thirty.

“Punctual as always, Betsy,” Angelica sang as the comments started to pop up.

 

madisonj: omg you guys are my fave

 

heather-heather-heather-and-veronica: whos the freckled cutie

 

tobyyaas: is that m a r i a r e y n o l d s

 

Eliza giggled. “This is John here, with the freckles. He’s an artist. What’s your channel, again? Oh, right, John’s channel is called Raise a Glass.”

 

wendyisnotokay: YAY JOHN I LOVE YOUR ART DO YOU DO COMMISIONS

 

Alex leaned over Eliza and squinted. “Wendy wants to know if you do commissions, John.”

“Huh? Oh, yeah, I guess I can.” John grinned dubiously. “Just… um… email me.”

 

wendyisnotokay: will do

 

John grinned and sat back down, taking a piece of pizza from the plate. Angelica started answering some questions about the sisters from the comments section. Alex turned to John, his eyebrows raised.

“Commissions?”

“Yeah, apparently I do them now.” Out of the corner of his eye, John saw Herc showing Laf something on his phone that made them double over, giggling.

“Good. Your art is amazing.” Alex leaned back against John’s shoulder. His heart pounded.

“Aww, thanks,” John cooed, pulling the hair tie out of Alex’s bun. “I’m redoing this.”

Alex laughed and shook his head, whipping the hair out of its matted tangle. John began to comb it out with his fingers.

Peggy grabbed the camera from Angelica. “So, we discovered that John and Maria sing really well tonight. I also sing very well-.”

“No, you don’t!” Herc protested, his eyes going wide. He reached over Laf in an attempt to grab the camera.

“Yes, I do,” Peggy said loftily turning away from Herc and capturing John and Alex in the shot. “Okay, when you’re done with his hair, you and I are going to sing together. With Maria, too.”

John blinked. “Er, okay?”

“Come on, John, you really do sing well.” Alex tipped his head back to give him a goofy smile.

How was John supposed to refuse that?

So, Peggy, Maria, and John sang some classic Broadway show tunes. Peggy was, in fact, a mediocre singer. Therefore, no one’s ears fell off.

Eliza and Angelica joined in during “Seasons of Love”, and Laf helped with “One Day More”. Alex applauded loudly at the end, and Herc merely offered a thumbs up.

Angelica suggested they do a mini Q and A while finishing pizza, which got Alex to rant about Thomas Jefferson for ten minutes. (“He’s just so obnoxious and fake, ya know?”)

Laf convinced everyone to play “Never Have I Ever” with a bag of M&Ms. By the end of the game, Alex and Peggy had no candies left and were grinning like the fools they were. (“Never have I ever eaten an entire box of pizza in one night.” “Never have I ever attempted to shoplift.” “What if it was _successful_?”)

John and Alex spent the rest of the night pressed together, hearts pounding the whole way through.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> peggy has problems


	10. Awkward is Okay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this is so short :(

The Schuylers offered Maria a ride home around ten thirty, leaving the four boys alone. Alex tried to hide a smile as he watched Eliza lean into Maria. He locked eyes with John, flicking his gaze back to the pair and raising his eyebrows. John buried his face into Herc’s shoulder, shoulders shaking with mirth.

Herc looked down on John with a soft, loving glance, biting his lip nervously.

That was new.

Alex opened his phone and started scrolling through the comments.

 

holyshitabear: did anyone else see the way eliza and maria were flirting bc omfg

#marliza #whatishappening

 

raaaaayyyyyy: @holyshitabear this is an actual ship now

#marliza

 

kellyisirish: ummmmm im freaking out over the way john and alex STARE INTO EACH OTHERS EYES LIKE WHAT

#lams #isthataship #idk

 

jasondeanisinnocent: everybody is shipping people and im just screaming over the fact that ANGELICA FELL IN LOVE????? WITH WHO????????

#what #who #where #why #how #huh

 

nickforreal: @jasondeanisinnocent but there are so many ship possibilities

#mulette #lams #marliza #everybody

 

Alex frowned. People thought that he and John were into each other? _He_ was, but John?

The internet was a strange place.

“People have started shipping Maria and Eliza,” he said, flicking through some more posts before turning the phone off.

“Good. They are _très mignon_.” Laf leaned up against Herc’s other shoulder. Alex felt strangely left out.

John yawned and curled up on the couch, watching the other three through sleepy, half closed eyes. His little smile was infectious. Alex dropped his head against the chair back, rolling his eyes up to the ceiling. Why did everything have to be so complicated?

Herc looked over at Laf, who had their head burrowed into his arm, and then at Alex, who winked. John sat up.

“I should probably get home,” he said, regretful.

“We’ll drop you off.” Herc tapped Laf’s shoulder.

“You don’t have to-.”

Laf cut John off with a purely French pose, a hand outstretched and their head turned away. Alex coughed into his hand. “Non. You are not familiar with the subway at night.”

John opened his mouth to protest, but Alex stood up and stretched. “Let’s go then.”

 

The four walked along the sidewalk to the nearest station, the streetlights glowing yellow against the indigo sky. The city hummed around them, constant and steady. John had his hands buried in the pockets of his sweater. Alex remembered the way New York had felt freezing year-round after moving from the Caribbean. He slung an arm over John’s shoulders, even though he was a few inches shorter. John smiled down at him, eyebrows raised. Alex stuck out his tongue, but the pair walked together as one, content in the silence. Laf and Herc followed a few feet behind them, Laf still pressed against the larger boy.

“I wish Eliza would have let us spike her punch,” Laf said sadly. Herc laughed and shook his head.

 

John reached his apartment door and fumbled for the key.

“How the fuck do you live in a micro apartment?”

“Compact living is the new future, Alex.”

“Yeah right.”

Laf looked around the hallway. “This is a nice building, John.”

John blushed a bit. “I guess.” He unlocked the door. “Do you guys want to come in, or…?”

“We should head back,” Herc sighed, scuffing his shoes against the carpet.

“Well, thanks for having me over. See y’all soon?” John paused in the doorway.

“Yep,” Alex chimed. “Coffee on Sunday, remember?”

“Oh, right! Thanks again,” John said awkwardly. The door closed behind him.

“That was awkward as fuck,” Herc said, starting down the hallway.

“Oui.”

Alex lingered for a moment before jogging to catch up with his roommates.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that was awkward as hell to write tho
> 
> I have no idea what i'm doing


	11. Muffins are Rad Too

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the random update schedule
> 
> I don't even know what day it is (summer rules)

John waited outside the coffee shop, pretending to scroll through his texts. Alex was running late, which was not something he did. Ever. Five minutes was understandable, maybe ten, but twenty was unheard of. Alexander Hamilton prided himself on being punctual. John scanned the sidewalk.

The larger part of his mind was screaming that Alex had stood him up, even though it wasn’t a date. The smaller part suggested that the subway had broken down or he had missed the train all together.

He fired off a text.

 

turtlesrrad: alex r u alright?

 

turtlesrrad: alex????

 

John decided that he was going to get a coffee anyway.

 

fightme: bonjour john this is Lafayette

 

fightme: alex is asleep on the sofa

 

fightme: herc thinks he is sick

 

Sick. That hadn’t occurred to John at all. Relief bloomed across his chest.

 

turtlesrrad: I’m coming over

 

turtlesrrad: do yall want coffee

 

turtlesrrad: or a muffin

 

fightme: oui

 

John had made his way to the front of the line. The barista had a bored look and thick curls. The resemblance to Laf was striking.

“Yeah?”

“Um, one black coffee, one caramel Frappuccino, and two regular coffees. And four blueberry muffins.” John hated ordering- or, really, being put on the spot.

“Okay. Is that all?”

“Do you know Lafayette?” John blurted out.

“Um, no?”

“Oh. Sorry.”

The barista frowned dubiously, shook his head in exasperation, and punched in the order. John payed and moved to the side, taking out his phone again.

 

turtlesrrad: hey laf do u know someone who looks just like u but pointier

 

baguette: non

 

baguette: ??????????

 

turtlesrrad: the baristas looking at me weird now

 

baguette: oh john mon ami

 

turtlesrrad: don’t judge me

 

baguette: I am

 

baguette: mon petit lion is awake now

 

John smiled and switched over to his other conversation.

 

turtlesrrad: u like black coffee right

 

fightme: khkjlgkgkhljokldsnxz

 

fightme: ya

 

turtlesrrad: r u ok

 

fightme: no

 

fightme: I hate being sick

 

fightme: I hate it ihate it I hate it ujjhl;kjfsdjknm

 

turtlesrrad: you’ll be ok

 

fightme: I don’t know

 

turtlesrrad: stop being pessimistic

 

turtlesrrad: im bringing u coffee and a blueberry muffin

 

fightme: oh

 

fightme: thanks

 

“John?”

He swiped the coffees and muffins from the pickup counter and headed to Alex’s apartment- just a short subway ride away from the coffee shop.

 

John had to knock on the door with his foot, making for a clumsy entrance. Laf let him in almost right after he got there, taking the coffees.

“Merci, mon ami,” they said. John waved to Herc, who was sketching something out on the counter.

“Hey John.”

“Hi, Herc. How’s Alex?”

Alex groaned loudly, drawing the other’s eyes to the couch. “I feel like absolute _shit_.”

John bit back a laugh and held up the cup of coffee. Alex gave a halfhearted cheer and reached a hand out over the arm of the sofa.

“Raise a fucking glass.”

John glanced at Laf, who shrugged. “He curses when he’s tired.”

“Black coffee and a blueberry muffin,” John said.

Alex was lying on his back, looking up backwards at John with a dopey smile and wide eyes. John’s heart fluttered unnecessarily.

“I guess I’ll have to sit up to drink this.”

“Um, yeah.”

“Kill me now. Wait, no, don’t!” Alex shot up and took the coffee. “Thanks.”

“No problem.” John sat beside Alex, ignoring Laf's skeptical look, blushing just a little bit more than he usually did around Alex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alex is like me and hates being sick more than Thomas Jefferson


	12. idk???

Hey guys,

It looks like my (mostly nonexistent) update schedule is going to be thrown off a bit. We're in the process of moving and everything is absolutely INSANE right now, so it might take me longer to get new chapters up. I'm hoping to get one up by the end of the week XD. Thank you so much for all of the support!!

\- Rosy


	13. Makeup and Dreams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh look I did it XD
> 
> BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP TW BEEP BEEP BEEP 
> 
> I forgot to add this at first but you should know that this chapter has mentions of abuse, so if that's something you should stay away from, remember that your mental health is more important than a fanfic :)

Alex fell asleep with his head against John’s thigh. Part of him wanted to reach over and play with Alex’s hair, but the more rational part told him that the idea was insane. Herc had left for the drug store to get Alex some meds. Laf was in their bedroom either filming or video chatting someone (John couldn’t quite tell).

But Herc sure was taking a long time, and John hadn’t really done anything for an hour or so, and he was feeling _really_ exhausted (stupid nightmares). Maybe a nap wouldn’t hurt.

 

Laf had pulled their hair up into a high, tight ponytail and set up their mic and lighting. The living room was silent. Hopefully, Alex was asleep. They fanned their makeup products across their desk and pressed _record_.

“Bonjour, mon amis! I am Lafayette, and welcome back to my YouTube channel! Thank you so much for all the positive comments on our recent livestream and the Schuyler Sister’s video. You guys have been making this whole week _fantastique_.” Laf blew a kiss to the camera. “Today, I am going to be doing a light, everyday look. This has been highly… ah, how you say… requested? I do not think we have that word in France. Let me know in the comments if that is the correct word or not.”

Laf thought they heard a faint snore from the living room. They grinned. “Actually, before we get started, I am going to go check on mon petit Alexander. He is sick.”

Laf hesitated for a moment. They grabbed the camera from the tripod and took it with them. “Let us see if that is him snoring… _mon dieu.”_

John was leaned up against the arm of the sofa, his eyes closed. Alex was curled up against him like a cat- purring like one too. They looked so peaceful, intertwined together and smiling in their sleep.

Laf’s heart stopped. Was it because John looked so _beautiful_ and Alex looked relaxed for once in his life? Was it because they were perfect together? Was it because Laf could never have that? They didn’t know, and they honestly didn’t care.

“Oh my… I see everybody going wild in the comments already. You call them _Lams_ , oui? Ah, how you say, a ship name?” Laf tried to snicker a bit. Luckily, they were an excellent actor.

 

Alex realized that he wasn’t leaning on the arm of the couch when the sturdy form beneath him shivered. His head was spinning. Alex hated napping. He blinked a few times and tried sitting up without disturbing whoever he was sleeping on.

The room slid into focus and Alex shifted his gaze to his former pillow. _John_. He had fallen asleep on John.

His heart pounding, Alex leaned forward to study John’s face. The freckles had been the first thing he had noticed, coating the smiling face on the thumbnail in his suggestion box. They were splattered like paint, creating tiny constellations across John’s warm skin. Now that his eyes were closed, Alex could see they were _everywhere_ , including his eyelids.

There was a strong urge to brush the thick curls from John’s face, but Alex managed to resist, mostly because John was tossing and turning. This was the pain that Alex had seen pass across his face before.

John whimpered. Alex melted.

He reached over to stroke John’s cheek. “John, you gotta wake up.” Alex’s fingers brushed lightly across the freckles.

 

John twisted away from his father, like he had so many times before. His heart was pounding, adrenaline rushing through his veins and thumping in his ears.

_“Get back here!”_

John sprinted down endless, familiar hallways, stumbling through doorways and crashing painfully into corners. _Run, run, run_.

His ribs were screaming and his head was pounding. This wasn’t all that bad, but it hurt. It hurt so much. Even little injuries made John’s whole body ache- the result of years of bruises and breaks.

His father’s voice ricocheted through the house. John kept moving.

_“Come here, John!”_

_“John!”_

_“John!”_

_“John, you gotta wake up!”_

He wished. This wasn’t a dream. This was memory. Harsh, cold memory.

John stumbled and fell. He knew it was futile to get up.

His hands pressed against the rough wooden boards, a stray nail digging into his palm, John braced himself for the storm together. He steeled himself for the next blow. _You can take this Jacky, can’t you?_

He could take it. He had too. He’d done it before. This wasn’t anything new.

John heard the rapid footsteps behind him slow to a leisurely pace. Henry was stretching it out, making it last. He enjoyed it. Henry Laurens enjoyed every single second of it.

He squeezed his eyes tighter.

Maybe this would be the last time.

Maybe.

Probably not.

In fact, John knew that it would never end.

His chest heaved and he retched, but there wasn’t anything to throw up. John waited. And waited.

Where was it?

The air was thick with fear and pain, the constant aura of hidden wounds hanging low in the Laurens house.

Was he even coming at all?

Something touched his cheek.

_Not again._

John yelped, the tender bruise pulsing.

 

John shot straight up, a hand flying to his cheek. Alex scrambled back.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean too- John? John, are you okay?” Alex’s voice was so fragile.

_Breathe._

John’s heart was still pounding.

“…you were having a bad dream or something and I just… John, you look really… oh.” Alex was rambling, his hands painting invisible colors through the air as he gesticulated.

“I need to go.”

“John, you look like you’re going to pass out,” Alex said hesitantly.

“I need to _go_.”

His voice was shaking. One hand still on his cheek, John rose. He looked down at Alex for the briefest second, meeting those wide, dark eyes.

And John ran.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry?


	14. Texting and Cookie Dough

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKKKKKK WTF THIS DAMN CHAPTER WILL NOT DO FORMATTING I HAVE EDITED AND DELETED AND REWROTE AND COPIED AND PASTED AND IT WILL NOT BE CORRECT AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHH
> 
> ok sorry the formatting on this chapter and this chapter o n l y has decided to be stupid. please excuse the wacky ass formatting here i promise the rest of the chapters are not like this it is just this one
> 
> uuuuuuugggggggggggh

Alex sat numbly on the couch, eyes wide. The door slammed as John’s ponytail disappeared around the corner, leaving the apartment uncomfortably silent.  
What was that?  
Hurried footsteps came down the hall. “I heard John leave- mon dieu! Alexander, what happened?” Laf slid to a stop in the doorway.  
“I don’t know.”  
“What is that supposed to mean?”  
“I really don’t know what happened, Laf.” Alex paused, his hands gripping the edge of the couch cushion as if it were the only floating piece in the wreckage of a ship.  
Laf came over and sat down, running a hand through their hair. “I think we need to call the Schuylers over.” 

don’tsayno: hey Eliza

cinnamonroll: hi Maria!

Eliza winced. Was she coming on too strong? Had she replied too fast? 

don’tsayno: what have u and the gang been up to recently

don’tsayno: I heard alex is sick

cinnamonroll: eh not much

cinnamonroll: angie and pegs and I have been trying to stock up on videos so we don’t have to film while we’re upstate

cinnamonroll: he is???

don’tsayno: cool 

don’tsayno: what’s upstate

cinnamonroll: parents

don’tsayno: coolio

don’tsayno: idk laf just texted me this morning

cinnamonroll: I guess that explains y the line is dead

cinnamonroll: alex never shuts up

cinnamonroll: ever

don’tsayno: I can believe it

don’tsayno: his videos are all like 30 mins long

cinnamonroll: maybe that’s why he gets so little views

don’tsayno: d a m n 

don’tsayno: I rly liked your last video

cinnamonroll: awwww thanks! 

cinnamonroll: I swear though we had to retake it like eight times because pegleg wouldn’t stop laughing

don’tsayno: PEGLEG OMG

cinnamonroll: aH SHIT IT aUtoCoRRecTEd I swear!!!!!!!!!!!

cinnamonroll: don’t tell her

cinnamonroll: I mean its her username but she’d rip my heart out if she knew I called her that

don’tsayno: I’m too busy laughing my fucking face off

cinnamonroll: no blackmail rite

don’tsayno: of course not 

cinnamonroll: I didn’t think you were the type :)

don’tsayno: aww Betsey 

don’tsayno: do you mind if I call you Betsey?

Eliza’s heart pounded. Of course she didn’t mind.  
But only her family and Alex called her Betsey.  
This was intimate.  
Not really, but almost.  
She began to type a reply, then deleted what she wrote, then rewrote, and deleted again. During the time it took for Eliza to question her existence and her ability to not touch the extremely soft-looking curls that Maria possessed, the other girl had fired off a text. 

don’tsayno: I Have to go. Tell AngiE and ALex hi for me. Have fun with your Parents!

Eliza froze. Had her hesitation made Maria think she was angry? The only other person she had felt this way about was Alex, and only for a little while, and they hadn’t ever made serious moves.  
In short, Eliza had no fucking idea how to woo a girl like Maria. Eliza didn’t do wooing. Most people tended to woo Eliza.  
Who could she ask for help?  
Angie would not be helpful at all. Peggy would get too caught up in the possibilities. Alex was terrible to talk to when it came to emotions. Laf was too close to Maria. Herc was too gay to function.  
That left John.  
Perfect. 

“I think I added too many chocolate chips,” Angie grumbled. The spoon was hopelessly entangled in the cookie dough, which had become too thick to stir.  
“There’s no such thing as too many chocolate chips,” Peggy said, swiping a bit of dough from the edge of the bowl. Angelica glared at her, but sighed and took some herself.  
Maria had texted a little while ago, so Eliza had abandoned their baking project to curl up on her window bench and sigh, which Angelica would never understand. Eliza also happened to be the baking expert in the apartment, which left Peggy and Angie to muddle through the recipe alone. That would never end well.  
“Let’s just eat all the dough plain,” Peggy suggested, deftly avoiding her sister and grabbing more.  
“You’ll get salmonella,” Angie deadpanned, licking her own fingers.  
“You hypocrite.”  
“Still.”  
Angelica’s phone dinged. She wiped her hands as best she could, using her flour spattered apron. Two texts from Alex. Probably a third on the way. Instead of lighting up again with a message, the phone began to wail insistently. Angelica had set a police siren as Alex’s ringtone, mainly because he talked too much and would also strangle anybody who didn’t answer his calls.  
Peggy coughed. “Bathroom.”  
“Damnit, Margarita.”  
Abandoned again, Angelica clicked accept and switched on the speaker.  
“This better be good, Hamilton”  
“It is, it is, I swear!”  
“Yeah, yeah, spit it out,” she grumbled, assessing the disastrous cookie dough.  
“It’s about John.”  
Angie would have made a snide remark about planning their future wedding or something, but there was a tremble in Alex’s voice that stopped her. “What happened? Did he get shot?”  
“Don’t be stupid, Angie.” Alex’s voice had turned into some weird sob-laugh combination. He sucked in a breath. “But it’s not good.”  
Angelica paused, a piece of cookie dough halfway to her mouth. There was something in John’s eyes- a constant fight-or-flight reflex- that made her wonder…  
“I think I know what you’re talking about.”  
“Actually, can- can we all come over?”  
“Yeah, of course.”  
“Good. Laf and I will be there soon. And Herc, if he answers his goddamn texts.”  
“Alright. On a side note, Alex, do you like raw cookie dough?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> #mariareynoldsisinnocentokay


	15. Rain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BEEP BEEP BEEP TW BEEP BEEP BEEP 
> 
> there are mentions of self harm in this chapter, so once again, if that's something you should stay away from... you know what to do :)

Twenty minutes had passed since the end of the phone call. Eliza had chided Peggy and Angelica on their cookie making skills. Angelica had, in turn, griped about her abandoning them, and Peggy had grilled Eliza for information about her text conversation with Maria. They had dragged out all the bedding and created a cozy nest around the coffee table, which held the cookie dough and a family sized bag of Cheetos. The weather had deteriorated from the morning sunshine to a comforting patter of rain, accompanied by distant thunder. Angelica though it sounded like one of the white noises she listened to online. 

Alex, on the other hand, jumped a mile high every time the thunder rolled over the city. He detested storms. At least the subway offered some protection and a barrier between the lightning and the three guys, who were sitting in silence. Herc had brought some meds, excusing his earlier absence with “the sudden urge to get ice cream and a few fans who wanted selfies”.

Laf was leaning heavily into Herc, who looked a bit shell shocked. 

Herc, in fact, felt less shell shocked and more like an atomic bomb had been thrown at his head. Something was haunting John. Laf was curled up against him, and Alex looked like a depressed gremlin. 

This was not good. 

If anything, the Schuylers would be a good pick me up for them all. Besides, Angelica had apparently mentioned cookie dough. 

Laf wasn’t sure whether they wanted to cry or go find John and hug him for the next ten years. The way Alex had looked- terrified and broken- had torn their heart in half. But John had seemed so peaceful there in his sleep, and he acted so happy while he was awake, that it was hard to imagine the fear Alex had seen. 

Then again, no one is happy all the time. Except for game-show hosts and Peggy Schuyler. And no one is as loving and tender as the shattered people. 

John had sprinted out of the apartment. He remembered stopping at the bottom of the stairs and catching his breath. He remembered wiping some tears away and swallowing a sob. He remembered pressing his shaking hands against his thighs and waiting, watching the rain start to fall. 

He walked through the streets, not feeling like going home for a long time. John wandered the sidewalks, avoiding eye contact and soaking up the rain. People rushed by with umbrellas, trying to stay dry. John wanted to drown in the water. He lifted his face to the heavens and let a few tears slip down his cheeks. 

If John was a religious man, he would have prayed. But he wasn’t- not anymore. He just slid back into an alleyway and slumped against a wall. People passed, none sparing him a single glance. John buried his face in his hands, which still trembled. 

He should have known it wouldn’t last. 

Alex wouldn’t want to see him anymore. And not Laf or Herc either. Or the Schuylers, or Maria, who he knew struggled with pain in the way he did. 

John was alone again. 

No one wanted to be friends, much less lovers, with a broken man. 

The part of John that had savored the pain burning along his wrist and watched the blood with a passive indifference was growing again. He didn’t want to do anything stupid, like get drunk and laid. John wasn’t that type of person. He had sworn off drinking a long time ago, mostly due to the shattered bottles and the smell of beer on his father’s breath. 

But he could control his pain when he held a razor in his hand. For once in his life, Henry wasn’t the Laurens in charge of the blood. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is more like a bridge chapter than anything but more is on the way
> 
> who caught the other message Maria sent
> 
> also let's play a fun game called "who saw the Heathers reference"


	16. And the Tension Builds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wat r werds

Peggy let the guys in, her brow furrowed and her full lips pressed into a thin line. “Alex, what happened?”

Alex hung his coat over a kitchen chair and shook his head.

Herc and Laf followed, still pressed against each other. Peggy merely raised her eyebrows. Herc glared, a hand snaking around Laf’s waist. They jumped, but snuggled in.

“I was told there was cookie dough,” Herc said, awkwardly shuffling into the apartment.

“Yeah, in the living room.”

All of her friends were hopelessly in love with someone. Or, in the vast majority of cases, in love with each other. Peggy may have been hovering on the edge of the dating pool herself, but she was very invested in the love lives of others.

Angelica called her silly. Peggy called herself a matchmaker.

 

Laf thought they might explode when Herc’s fingers pressed gently into the crevice beneath their ribs. They might squeal and crumble into ashes on the ground, and then fall off the face of the earth entirely.

Herc wasn’t insistent or possessive. He was simply kind. His hand was large enough to cup Laf’s torso easily. There was a quiet pressure there, a reassurance, backed by true and deep affection.

Maybe their hopes weren’t too high after all.

Maybe Laf could never have John and Alex, but they could have Hercules Mulligan.

Maybe that was better.

 

John walked faster now- not _fast_ , but not the helpless pace he had been walking before. This walk had a purpose. Besides, the rain was getting unnecessarily cold and John wanted to crawl in between his sheets and shiver for a while. For some reason, doing that made him feel like his mother might come in with a bowl of soup and a loving smile.

He rubbed his wrist furiously.

John had been at the edge of the precipice before. He had nudged his feet closer and closer, and yet he had never felt more like tumbling over than he did then. He was slipping, and John didn’t feel like trying to hold on.

 

Angelica was licking more cookie dough from her fingers when Alex threw himself down on the blankets.

“Spit it out.”

Her voice tried to be gentle- it really did- but the classic indifferent Angie seeped through. She did care. She just didn’t care about Alexander’s _feelings_.

“It’s a long story,” Alex whispered, pulling himself up and grabbing a sizeable chunk of cookie. Eliza raised her eyebrows, her gaze flicking between the hard look in his eyes and the piece of dough in his hands. “Eliza, stop being such a mom. I don’t give a fucking piece of shit if I get salmonella.”  

“Sorry ‘liza, he curses when he’s sick. Or stressed. Or tired.” Herc tried a smile.

“So… always?” Peggy quipped, dropping into a crisscross position atop a pillow. Alex glared at her over his cookie dough.

“Mon petit, you should start the story,” Laf sighed, their hands idly playing with the tassels of a quilt.

Alex groaned slightly, but nodded.

 

Maria’s hand trembled. She brought her slim fingers up against her cheekbone, wincing. He had been so kind at first. Gentle and sweet. Now she saw that it had been a lie.

Every single bit.

She dabbed the washcloth across the wound. It was already blooming deep purple, the rosy handprint blending out into Maria’s skin. She inhaled, pressing the wet fabric to the bleeding area. A thin cut on her face. Nothing major, but it spoke words.

They used to only slice across the skin people didn’t see.

It was okay though. She had plenty of foundation, being a YouTuber, and she didn’t really have to leave the apartment anyway.

Maria couldn’t believe she was married to a monster like James.

She could survive, though. Maria would press on, just as she had done throughout her childhood. She would pretend like she flinched away because people surprised her. She would blame it on her clumsiness, or a mysterious attacker in the alley. She would put on a dazzling smile and bear it all, because Maria Reynolds had no choice.

 

Eliza had pulled both of her sisters in closer at some point during the story- she couldn’t remember when. Even Angie, who disliked cuddling, let her do it.

She had met Alex at a low point in both of their lives- Eliza worrying about coming out and Alex immigrating from the Caribbean.

Herc had come crashing into their lives during a lunch room fight, his eyes ablaze as he defended some poor kid.

Laf had sailed across the Atlantic looking for someone who could speak French and didn’t care that they used different pronouns.

John had swept in like a light breeze- sweet and quiet and yet completely mysterious. Everyone enjoyed the cool air the wind brought, but no one was sure where it had come from on a still day like that.

But her sisters had been there from the beginning. Even when Peggy was only a twinkle in their mother’s eye, Eliza and Angelica knew they were not alone. Then Peggy came, and the rest was history.

Eliza loved all her friends as if they were her sisters, and the idea of John hiding a painful past made her want to sob in bed for days and simultaneously murder someone.

She would get to the bottom of this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this feels a little choppy, but I promise it's for a reason


	17. Yet Another Phone Call

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BEEP BEEP BEEP TW BEEP BEEP BEEP
> 
> Mentions of abuse and self harm so please skip if that's not something you should read
> 
> <3 u but your health is much more important that this fic
> 
> BEEP BEEP BEEP TW BEEP BEEP BEEP

John got home eventually. He didn’t bother to check the time. He flung his rain-soaked coat over the back of a chair, which was so _unlike_ him that he paused for a moment.

His bathroom seemed cold and altogether too clean. John paged through his drawers, looking for his… his… what was he looking for?

The wall was hard against his shoulder blades. The room was dark. For once, his apartment felt too small. Too small for him to move. It was too small and too dark and he could hear the footsteps approaching, hear the voices growing louder.

His senses were on fire. Something smelled wrong. Everything felt unnatural. He couldn’t see, but he could hear him coming and John could already taste the blood in his mouth.

 _God_ , sometimes John just wanted it all to stop.

Suddenly, he remembered that he had to post a video today. Even though he was shaking and he couldn’t seem to steady his heartbeat, John knew that he needed to film that video. He needed to draw something, or talk.

That made sense.

John had to film.

So, he stood up, bracing himself against the wall for support, and stumbled to the cabinet where he kept all of his YouTube stuff. John collapsed before it, his mind trying to focus on filming.

Just turn on the camera.

Just _go_.

 

Alex was scraping the last of the cookie dough from the bowl. He might get sick, but he really didn’t care. Herc and Laf were still folded against each other and the Schuylers were piled atop the mound of pillows.

His hand froze.

Something was undeniably wrong.

“Guys.”

Five faces peered up at him, curious.

“I have to go.” Alex’s mouth felt metallic, but he also felt like he could sprint to John’s apartment.

John’s apartment.

Alex had to get to John’s apartment, because that’s where something was wrong. He just knew. Something in his bones told him that he needed to be there, like Harry had felt when he downed the Felix Felicis. Except this potion wasn’t at all lucky.

Angelica and Laf had sat up, but the others just frowned.

“Are you sure that’s a good idea? It’s pretty late,” Eliza murmured, twisting her hands in the edge of her shirt.

“I just have to.”

Alex was already on his feet, slinging his jacket on and struggling into his shoes.

Angelica met his eyes and nodded. She understood.

Alex dashed out the door without a second glance.

 

John’s apartment door was unlocked. Alex knew this because, after no one answered his insistent knocking, he tried the doorknob.

Fuck breaking and entering.

He wasn’t breaking anything.

The apartment was too dark for Alex to see anything. It reminded him uncannily of Nevis. The power used to go out nearly every night, leaving his small home gloomily dark. Alex groped along the wall, his fingers searching for a light switch. He found one and fumbled with the various individual switched for a moment before managing to flick on the overhead lights.

It really was a small apartment- a couch that looked like it unfolded into a bed surrounded by built-ins and a small kitchen combo. It looked like there was a bathroom off to the side, which remained dark.

Of course, Alex wasn’t paying attention to the Bastille posters or the small gay pride flag hanging next to the window. He was paying attention to the form huddled on the ground.

 _“John,”_ Alexander breathed, shaking himself awake and tripping over his feet. He fell beside John, who was bent over a film camera.

His face was streaked with tears. Alex felt a strong urge to wipe them away, but judging by the fact that John flinched when he sat down, it was a terrible idea to touch him.

“It’s terrible etiquette to open the door by yourself.”

“At least I didn’t come in through the window,” Alex whispered. They sat together for a moment, John shaking and crying soundlessly. Alex hesitated before offering a hand. John didn’t take it; he just squeezed his amber eyes tighter and pressed his lips into a thin line. “John, you can tell me anything.”

John shook his head- a tiny, nearly indistinguishable movement, but it spoke words.

A blaring ring jolted them both out of their stupor. John’s hand slipped into his pocket and drew out his phone, hands trembling.

 _“Shit,”_  John sobbed, dropping the phone beside the camera and burying his face in his hands. Alex glanced over at him before carefully taking the phone.

Dad.

Alex made a split-second decision and accepted the call. He hoped he could keep the quivering anger out of his voice. “Hi, I found this phone on the subway. The caller ID says _Dad_ , so could you help me find the owner? Your son, I guess?” Alex paused and the line crackled. Thank goodness he was good at improv. John’s dad sighed loudly.

“Jacky, always so _forgetful_.”

“Jacky?” Alex asked, his fingers tapping lightly against his thigh. He looked over at John, who nodded a bit. That was him. “Um, last name?”

John stiffened.

“Laurens. This is Henry Laurens speaking.”

Henry Laurens? The senator? The pieces were coming together.

“Oh. Okay. Do you know where… where I can get this back to your son?” Alex tried not to look at John, who he could feel trembling.

“I’ll text the address,” Henry Laurens said grumpily. “Be sure to tell him that he needs to take better care of his belongings.”

“I’ll pass it on. Thanks.”

“Goodbye.”

The line clicked, dead at last. Alex set the phone down with shaking hands. He couldn’t tell if he was angry or sad or nervous.

“John? John, why didn’t you tell me?”

The apartment was flooded with uncomfortable silence.

“You can leave. If you want to. It’s okay,” John choked out.

“What? John, why would I leave?”

“My dad stands for everything you hate, Alex. I get it. If you don’t want to… to talk to me. It’s really okay.”

“John, I am _not_ that shallow.”

They sat together for a while, never touching, but silently supporting each other. Alex took the time to look over the posters lining the walls.

_Black Lives Matter._

_Feminist._

_Bastille: Bad Blood._

_Panic! at the Disco_

_Pride 2016._

And the gay pride flag. Alex cursed his heart for leaping, hating himself for feeling so happy when John was sobbing quietly beside him.

He slipped out his own phone and fired off a text to Angelica.

 

fightme: get me the stats on henry laurens asap

 

He waited, bouncing his knee and chewing on his lip.

 

localangel: asshole™

 

localangel: evil twitter feed

 

localangel: one son

 

fightme: named john

 

localangel: shit

 

fightme: yeah

 

fightme: angie its not good

 

localangel: update me right now or I’ll strangle you

 

fightme: he’s crying

 

fightme: his dad called and I pretended that I had found the phone on the subway because john went into panic mode

 

fightme: angie he’s got black lives matter and feminism posters up in here

 

fightme: and a pride flag

 

localangel: holy shit

 

localangel: his dad is v homophobic

 

fightme: why the fuck is that even the term like its not a phobia you’re just a stupid jackass

 

localangel: not the time alex

 

fightme: I’ll update u when I get more info

 

He shut the phone off without waiting for her reply.

“Who was that?” John said shakily.

“Angie.”

“Oh.”

John stood carefully. Alex leapt to his feet, eyes wide. “John, I don’t know if you should-.”

“I’m fine.” John tried a smile- a tiny, broken thing. “You want something to drink?”

“Uh, sure.”

John went to the fridge, Alex’s eyes observing his every move. There was a deeper, darker story behind this all, and he was going to find it. John crouched down to grab a Pepsi.

Alex froze.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> er 
> 
> *laughs nervously*


	18. Scars and Angelica

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the cliffhanger *spins around in desk chair while petting a cat and laughing evilly* 
> 
> wait
> 
> I don't have a cat
> 
> *confused squinting*

“John. John, what is that?” he asked in a quiet, strangled voice.

“Nothing,” John said stubbornly.

“No, please, let me see.”

“Alex, I-.”

They met each other’s eyes, shimmering amber on warm brown. John’s eyes were intricate and complex. Lines of colors and flecks of gold intersected and wove about his pupil into a maze of broken memories.

They stood together, two men with a path of shattered glass following their lives. And yet they were not men. Not yet. They were simply boys, boys who had seen more than anyone should have seen.

John inhaled, his freckled eyelids dropping over his fascinating irises. Alex stepped forward.

He peeled off his shirt (Alex tried not to watch the way his shoulder blades moved and his torso rippled) and turned around, his hands bracing himself against the counter.

_“John.”_

Scars. Scars everywhere. Thick white bands wrapping around his back, overlaid with thin red intents. Soft scar tissue spliced through constellations of freckles, which were indeed everywhere.

“John, what happened?” His voice was strangled and low.

Silence.

“John, I’m calling Angelica.”

 

Angelica’s phone rang. It was Alex.

Herc and Laf has crashed in the living room and the sisters had retired to their respective rooms. Angie was washing her face in the bathroom when Alex started to text. Now she was waiting on the edge of the bed, fidgeting and sinking into deep, only-Angelica-could-ever-think-of-this-shit thoughts.

She practically jumped onto the phone and slammed the accept button.

“Alex, update me right now.”

“I need you to come over.” Alex’s voice was quiet.

“I’ll track your phone,” Angie said bluntly, hanging up right away.

Eliza poked her head out into the hall as Angelica sprinted past.

“Angie, what’s going on?” She was nervous. They all were.

“I’m going to John’s.”

“Wait, what happened?”

“I don’t know, but it’s not good.”

Eliza worried her bottom lip. “Okay. I’ll hold down the fort.”

“Don’t wait up,” Angelica whispered, pressing a kiss to Eliza’s dark hair.

She passed Herc and Laf, who were sitting up and watching her, without a word. Angelica pulled on her combat boots and a jacket, feeling her pocket for the Swiss Army Knife she carried.

This was what Angelica was good at.

She breathed heavily and closed her eyes, her hand resting lightly on the doorknob.

 

Angelica burst into the apartment, her phone’s beacon having found Alex in the apartment building and a quick text confirming the room number.

John was shirtless, pressed up against the counter, and Alex was standing helplessly in the kitchen.

Angie couldn’t help herself. “You did _not_ call me over here at midnight to tell me you’ve been screwing.”

Alex coughed loudly, doubling over before shooting straight up and glaring at the eldest Schuyler. “Shut the fuck up, Angelica.”

John had obviously been crying, his golden eyes rimmed with crimson. His freckled arms were crossed tightly across his chest.

“What happened?” Angie padded over to the kitchen, taking in the posters and the flag that Alex had mentioned with ease.

John gestured to his back, wordlessly allowing her to slip behind him, her chocolate hands cupping his shoulders gently.

“Oh, _John_ ,” she breathed, taking in the scars. “John, what- who- _how?”_

The silence was killer. John shifted uncomfortably and whispered something.

Angelica and Alex shared a worried glance, meeting eyes over John’s freckled shoulder.

John knew they hadn’t heard, so he cleared his throat and repeated himself. “Dad.”

Angelica had known, but hearing it in words made her world crumble. Her parents had been so proud of their daughters. They had been so accepting when Angelica came out as aromantic and Eliza came out as bisexual. They had helped the sisters through school and through the struggles of adolescence. Angelica couldn’t imagine a life without them. The idea of a parent doing _that_ to someone as wonderful as John made her sick.

 

Alex wanted to punch something. Henry Laurens, to be exact. All it took to make Alex fall apart was three letters from John’s mouth and the silent pain echoing through his eyes.

“That _motherfucker_.”

John looked up at him through dark, damp eyelashes, his freckles standing out against his mottled red-and-white skin. Alex’s heart melted. He wanted John so badly. He wanted to hold him through the night. He wanted to kiss him senselessly. He wanted to show John that there was love out there for him.

Alex slid across the kitchen floor and enveloped John in his arms, pulling him in tight even as John stiffened.

Angelica wrapped them both into a hug, tears blossoming in her eyes.

“You’re going to be okay.”

They stood there for a long time, holding each other and sobbing lightly into shoulders. Alex’s hand was pressed into the small of John’s back and Angelica’s strong arms where slung under their shoulders. No one spoke.

Angelica was the first to straighten up. “John, I’m in law school.”

“Angie, I know what you’re going to say, and I can’t let you do-,” John started, wiping his damp cheeks and letting the tiny Alexander continue to hug him.

Angelica held up a hand, her eyes hard and determined.

“It’s pointless to say no, John,” Alex sniffled.

“He’s right.”

John paused, holding Angelica’s gaze. “Okay.”

Angelica breathed a sigh of relief. “I’m going to take a picture of your back, John.”

 

Eliza’s phone lit up. A text from Angie. A picture to be exact. Eliza opened her phone and opened up their conversation.

She muffled her cry into her palm.

Peggy flung the door open. “Betsy!” she shouted, dropping into a fighting stance. “Is it a burglar? I’ll kill them!” Herc and Laf appeared in the doorway behind her, both wide away.

“Not a burglar, Peggy, but thanks.” Eliza handed the phone to Laf, who had come in and plopped down on the bed. They stared at the text for a while.

“Uh, Laf?” Herc said quietly, standing awkwardly beside Peggy, who was still glaring at the window as if a masked intruder would climb through at any moment.

Laf made a strangled sound, burrowing their face in their hand and passing the phone to Herc and Peggy.

They stood in silence until the phone dinged again.

“Angie says she’s helping John file a lawsuit,” Peggy breathed.

“Against who?” Laf asked, wrapping an arm around Eliza’s shoulders.

Peggy gave a little sob and handed the phone back to Herc, who’s face went hard. “His father.”

“Who’s his father?” Eliza asked quietly.

“Henry Laurens.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> um
> 
> yaaaaaaaaaaay


	19. Subways and Confessions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how the hell do you write this kind of thing
> 
> I'm aroooooooooooo   
> what the fuuuuuuuuuuck

Angelica left the apartment just after one in the morning. She was exhausted, now that the adrenaline of her lawsuit idea had washed over. Her hand pressed against the knife in her pocket, Angie took a seat on the subway, perching delicately on the worn plastic. She usually stood, but she was too tired to even try moving with the train. There was only one man on the train, who was watching her curiously. No malice, only vague interest. He looked familiar.

Angie tucked her face into her hands and huffed out a strange, sobbing, laugh.

“Angelica, are you okay?”

“How the fuck do you know my name?” Angie snapped, straightening up and returning to the knife. The adrenaline was back.

“I’m Hercules, Lafayette, and Alexander’s neighbor: Aaron Burr,” he said cautiously, holding up his hands in surrender.

“Oh. I thought I recognized you. Why are you on the subway right _now?”_  Angelica relaxed her grip on the knife.

“I could ask you the same question.”

“You wouldn’t want to know,” Angie muttered, her thoughts straying to how badly she wanted to use the knife on Henry Laurens.

“Okay.” Aaron sat back and watched the tunnel walls speed by. Angelica frowned. How could someone be so indifferent? She lived off passion, which was something Burr apparently lacked.

“Well, why _are_ you the train?” Angelica needed to distract herself.

Burr muttered something along the lines of _Theodore_. Angelica raised her eyebrows.

“I thought you were straight.”

 _“Theodosia,”_ Aaron repeated, his eyes dreamy.

“Prevost?”

“Yeah.”

“I know her. Burr, she’s _married.”_ Aaron Burr, of all people, going after a taken woman! Maybe she was dreaming.

“So? We love each other. And it’s not an ideal marriage.” He was suddenly defensive. Angelica shook her head in disbelief.

“Well, I can see you guys together. Honestly, Burr, if you love her, you should just go get her.” Angelica remembered when she thought she loved Alexander. Part of her still wished she had gone after him, even though she saw now that they were too alike to ever _be_ _together._

Aaron didn’t respond and Angelica reached her stop.

God, she just wanted to sleep.

 

Alex and John had (silently) reached an agreement. Alex would spend the night. John’s heart fluttered like a caged butterfly. There was only one place for anyone to sleep, so they’d be sharing a bed.

John told himself not to get his hopes up. He’d done enough hoping, and none of it had gone well.

He had showered, which felt so fucking good after walking through the rain and crying, and changed into pajamas. Alex had borrowed an old sweater to sleep in. It hung nearly to his knees and the arms folded down over his hands, but Alex looked so cute in it with his hair down and his eyes droopy that John couldn’t bring himself to laugh.

 

How in the world was Alex supposed to sleep in the _same bed_ with John Laurens, especially when he looked so beautiful? He’d gestured frantically at Angelica before she left. She had merely winked and slipped away quietly.

His phone dinged.

 

localangel: I’m home

 

localangel: everyone is freaking out

 

localangel: like they are all crying and yelling at me

 

fightme: oljkhfjkhadfsuhckj

 

localangel: youll live

 

fightme: no u don’t understand hes gorgeous

 

localangel: ok but now is not the time to be having sex

 

fightme: WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK ANGIE

 

localangel: chillax

fightme: SDFGHJHKJLKSDFGHJK

 

localangel: u need to sleep

 

fightme: I CANT

 

localangel: go away

 

John’s sweater smelled amazing- like beeswax and paint and dewy cologne and something so very _John_ that Alex couldn’t quite name. And- _god­_ \- John was gorgeous in his sweatpants and with his fluffy curls loose around his shoulders.

The sat together, burrowed into the quilts and pillows. Alex’s heart hammered, because the _bedding_ smelled like John and, with the sweater and the actual John next to him, Alex felt like he might die from a John Laurens overdose.

He glanced over. They weren’t doing anything- just sitting together.

Alex suddenly felt like he needed to kiss John or he’d die. And with that thought in his head, Alex tapped the back of John’s hand. “John. I need to tell you something.”

“Yeah?” John turned to him, attentive. That was one of the many things Alexander loved about him- even though Alex talked far too much, John always, _always_ listened.

“I’ve… I’ve known this for a long time. A really long time, actually. As long as we’ve known each other.”

“We haven’t known each other for two months yet, Alex,” John said cautiously, a smile growing on his lips.

“I know, but it feels like a long time,” Alex chuckled. “Ah. Um, anyway, this probably isn’t a great time to say this, but…”

John frowned. “Alex, you’re freaking me out.”

“The thing is, John, I like you. A lot. I really, really like you.” Alex looked down at his hands.

The apartment was silent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always thought that Angelica should have been the one to tell burr to go after theo because she knows what it's like to have to let someone go
> 
> anyway that's just me
> 
> these comments keep me writing


	20. Idk???? Pt. 2

Sorry for the cliffhanger XD

This is a quick message for my fellow LGBTQ+ peeps: if you're considering coming out, do it. Just say it. If you are in a position where it will be safe, I suggest doing it. It feels amazing. 

I just came out to my mom about an hour ago. I was absolutely terrified. My little sister, who already knew I'm aro, was in the backseat, and I literally freaked out about how to write a love story and just told her. She asked a few questions, told me she loved me, and we moved on. I still have to talk to my dad, who is a bit more republican, but he doesn't ever mention my pride shirts and sends me articles on pride stuff, so I think it will ok.

Anyway, sorry for the random venting, but that's just my advice. If you're in a position where it may be unsafe for you to come out, be careful <3\. Trust me, you have a whole network of loving and supporting people here online and also in the real world. 

Tons of love,

Rosy


	21. Love is in the Air

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you all so much for the support!!!!!! <3 You guys make my days eight billion times better. sorry for all the cliffhangers tho, seriously

John couldn’t think. His mind was racing, his heart was pounding, and the blood was throbbing in his ears. Alexander Hamilton liked _him._ John Laurens. Alexander liked John. John, of all people, who was broken and scarred. John, who hadn’t told Alex half of it. John, who had run from him.

_Wait._

This little voice was new. It was quiet and yet strong, and it felt so much better than the echoes of his father’s voice. It also sounded a lot like Eliza.

_He’s not lying. Think of Alex._

Alex, who wrote too much and talked too much. Alex, who lived solely on spite and black coffee. Alex, who was pettier than Lafayette and Peggy’s lovechild and yet as empathetic and kind as Eliza.  Alex, who, in the insane genius of the human mind, had chosen him.

Alex looked down at the floppy ends of John’s sweater. His brow was furrowed and he glanced up at John through his thick, dark lashes, his eyes dreading rejection as clearly as the freckles that spattered John’s skin.

“I-,” John stuttered. He closed his eyes and breathed. The little voice was back.

_Say it._

“You look really cute in that sweater.”

 

Alex had only two thoughts racing through his mind: _holy shit_ and _kiss me, dammit._

 

And so John did just that.

 

Herc and Laf lay beside each other on the floor, the former playing with the latter’s bouncy curls.

“Laf,” Herc said, his voice catching as they rolled over to face him, the light glinting in their eyes.

“Oui, mon amour?” Laf sounded absolutely exhausted. Their eyes drooped and their lips were ever so slightly separated.

_They’re even more beautiful without the makeup._

That seemed to be true of everyone. Angelica loved a dramatic eyeliner (Laf had taught her) and a fierce highlight, but her skin glowed, seamless and soft, without it. Eliza’s warm blush only accentuated her naturally flushed cheeks, and Peggy’s deep maroon lipstick made her full lips seem even plumper, but the Schuylers looked better to Herc without it all.

Lafayette was a gorgeous person. That was the only way to say it. Herc thought they were otherworldly. They lay there, watching Herc with attentive eyes.

“You- you said _mon amour_ ,” Herc breathed, sliding down to level his eyes with Laf’s.

“Oui,” they sighed. “Herc, I’m-.”

“No,” Herc whispered. “No, don’t be sorry.” And Herc found his eyes flicking between Laf’s wide eyes and their lips, finding it hard to decide which one to pay attention to.

Lafayette decided for him.

 

  John was the first to pull away, panting a bit. His lips were swollen and his cheeks were crimson, but he had never looked more beautiful. He lay on top of Alex, holding his weight ever so slightly above the smaller boy. Alex looked up lazily, a love drunk smile passing across his face.

“Fuck, Alex, you can hold your breath for a _really_ long time,” John huffed.

“I grew up on an island.”

“Still, you’re-.”

Alex cut him off, this kiss following the lead of the first one. Gentle and kind, but less hesitant. The second one was the reason John’s lips were chapped against Alex’s.

Alex rolled John over, draping himself across John’s torso. He smiled down, meeting John’s tired, amber gaze, and titled his head to kiss him again. They moved against each other as one, finding the nooks and crannies with ease.

They found themselves facing one another. They weren’t going all the way (not yet). John was weaving his fingers through Alex’s hair and Alex was exploring John’s back with gentle fingers, pausing whenever John winced or jumped.

Alex had just kissed John. John had just kissed Alex. They were together now. They were dating. It seemed impossible, and though a part of Alex longed for Laf and Herc as well, the larger half of him was dancing around in ecstatic circles and singing the praises of freckles and amber eyes.

The ruts and soft lines on John’s back felt foreign under Alex’s fingers. He felt as though he should have his hands up John’s shirt anyway, but the scars felt wrong. His anger at Henry Laurens was growing by the second.

John and Alex fell asleep curled together, lips nearly touching and limbs tangled.

 

Peggy rubbed the sleep from her eyes as she stumbled to her door. The events of the past day were reeling in her mind. Things didn’t seem to add up, and yet everything made sense now.

She padded down the hall, her brow furrowing at the memory of the picture Angie sent. Poor John.

Peggy froze when she walked into the living room.

Lafayette had Herc pressed against the wall, their legs straddling Herc’s. They were kissing each other like it was the end of the world, or like they needed to get drunk so the doctor could saw their legs off.

Not like Herc wasn’t busy either, what with his hands traveling along Laf’s waist.

Peggy couldn’t seem to move for a moment, but then opted to sneak back to her room. Except, just as she turned away, Herc’s voice broke the early morning silence.

“Um, Peggy, did you see… that?”

She spun back and moaned loudly. “I just wanted a glass of _water!”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hooooow do you write rooooomaaaaaaannce  
> lalalalalalalalala   
> ITS 11 I NEED TO SLEEP  
> UUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH


	22. Sunrise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok i have finally finished this chapter. It was really weird to write but i hope i did fine with the fluff
> 
> i got my hands on a copy of Hamilton: the revolution and   
> h  
> o  
> l  
> y  
> s  
> h  
> i  
> t

Alex woke up early, as usual. Instead of relentlessly typing and sipping black coffee, however, he simply watched John sleep. He was peaceful when he slept. The pain was gone from his face, leaving nothing but butterscotch skin and freckles. Alex longed for him to wake up so they could talk (read: kiss) and so he could see John’s golden eyes.

Eventually, as John continue to sleep, Alex padded into the kitchen searched for coffee. He rummaged through the cabinets for a mug, humming a song from Nevis that floated into his mind every now and then. When Alex turned around, John was propped up on one arm, a sleepy smile growing across his face.

“What’cha looking at?” Alex asked, flirtatious as always.

“A very, very gorgeous man in my kitchen,” John whispered, rolling out of bed and landing on his feet. He stretched lazily, tipping his head back and raising up onto his toes. Alex tried not to watch the way his shirt lifted up a bit or the way his toned arms moved with such grace.

“Haha, very funny.”

“No, I’m dead serious, Alexander.” John padded across to the counter, leaning over so his face was right up in Alex’s. “You’re beautiful.”

Alex, for once, was lost for words. He stumbled over various snide responses in his mind before choking out a simple “It’s hot when you call me Alexander”.

John bit back a laugh. “Coffee’s over there. Mugs are down here.”

“Thanks.”

 

Eliza scrolled through her last texts with Maria. She hadn’t answered last night or in the morning, which was odd. Very odd. She passed over their banter and arrived at the “Betsy” section. Eliza’s heart fluttered.

Then she frowned.

“Peggy, Angie, come see this.”

She straightened up on the couch and held the phone out to her sisters, who had poked their heads out around the corner.

“It’s a text,” Peggy said dubiously, one of her perfectly sculpted brows raising in a way that struck Eliza as very Angelica-ish.

“No, it’s an S.O.S.,” Angelica muttered, leaning in closer. “Look.”

Peggy followed suit, squinting at the messages. “She asked to call you Betsy?” she squealed, hitting Angie’s arm rapidly and bouncing around a bit.

Eliza blushed furiously and glared at her younger sister. “Shut _up._ ”

“Can I have paper, please?” Angelica asked, her lawyer mode clearly flipped on. Eliza stretched back and grabbed a newspaper from the coffee table. “And a pen?” Angie sighed.

 

Alex sipped coffee and watched John draw over the rim of his mug. John’s brow was furrowed in concentration, the tip of his tongue poking out as he sketched out the outline of Alex’s face. He had never poured his heart into a piece of art like that before. John needed to get the perpetual frown _just right_. He had to perfect the way Alexander’s hands wrapped around his cup and the way his hair fell from its bun. But most of all, he slaved over the eyes.

The eyes were always the hardest part (hands coming in at a close second). Mouths and noses were easy. You just had to recreate the image before you. But the eyes had depth to them and original shapes and such unique expressions.

Alexander’s eyes conveyed the sheer scale of human capability. They were windows to a hurricane of a soul and a whirlwind of a mind. John somehow had to trap the entirety of history and the possibilities of the future into two almond shaped, burgundy eyes.

John’s pencil trailed across the paper. This was the final page in this sketchbook. It had to go right the first time.

And yet he had an advantage. John had memorized everything about Alexander- the way he walked, the way he grinned with his eyes wide open and scratched his top lip when he was nervous. John knew the way Alex looked when he had thought of the perfect comeback or an unbreakable counterargument. His love-drunk smile was carved forever into John’s memory.

No matter how hard it would be, John could- and would- get this picture right.

 

Herc was holding Laf tightly. His heart was thumping and he felt like doing a very Peggy-like squeal and dancing around the city. Hercules Mulligan had kissed Lafayette. Lafayette had kissed Hercules Mulligan.

Were they dating? Herc didn’t care. The important thing is that Laf had made the first move and Herc wasn’t going anywhere.

He pinched himself to make sure this wasn’t a dream. Considering the budding hickey on his neck, something had happened last night. And considering the beautiful person draped across Herc, it had been with Laf.

The sunlight streamed in between the blinds, illuminating the naturally sharp cheekbones Laf was blessed with and the dust swirling throughout the room.

_Wait._

They had been at the Schuylers.

This was Herc’s room.

What did they do last night? Herc groaned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo angelica 
> 
> what do your lawyer eyes see
> 
> THEYRE TAKING MARIA TO ISENGARD


	23. Lock-Picking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BBBBBEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPP
> 
> possible tw at the end.... just a brief mention of blood
> 
> sorry this is so short btw i've been traveling so i havent had time. i'll get more up asap when i get home!!!!!!!!!! <3 you guys and thank you soooooo much for all the support

Peggy managed to track Maria’s address to an apartment in Brooklyn. Angelica shoved a first aid kit into her backpack, along with her Swiss. Eliza was too worried to do much _besides_ worry and wonder at how Peggy learned how to hack computers.

Maria was in trouble.

They left the apartment together and practically sprinted to the subway station, ignoring the funny looks they received from passerby and street vendors. Angelica was rambling about domestic violence and sexual assault laws and gesturing wildly at nothing.

“Angie, stop! You’re freaking me out!” Eliza moaned, skidding to a stop at a red light.

Peggy was panting heavily, but she managed to flip off a guy who whistled from the corner.

The white WALK sign turned and the sisters sprinted off again.

 

Alex was- and this was the only way to say it- fucking gorgeous. John must have said it out loud, because Alex moved away from the nape of his neck to laugh. John mourned the loss of contact, but Alex resumed whatever he was doing before as quickly as he had stopped. John leaned back into the movement, climbing towards seventh heaven with every slight flick of Alex's tongue.

 

Laf woke up slowly, blinking in the warm light. The first thing they noticed was Herc’s kind face peering down at them.

“Last night was pretty great,” Laf said flirtatiously, pulling Herc’s face down for a soft, slow kiss.

“Shut _up_ ,” Herc hissed, but Laf merely chuckled against Herc’s lips.

They rolled over against the wall, Herc pushing them up as the kiss deepened. Laf flipped him over, burying his shoulders into the pillows.

 

The sisters practically flew from the subway doors, hearts pounding and feet pounding harder. Maria’s apartment was a few blocks away. Eliza couldn’t get there fast enough.

Angelica pushed Peggy in front, asking her silently to lead the way. Eliza’s adrenaline kicked in as soon as her stride began to falter, propelling her forward as they neared the address.

_Number 108. 108. Number 108._

Eliza skidded to a stop in front of the right door, her hands shaking as she knocked furiously.

Angelica and Peggy joined her, forming a triangle of certain death or saving grace, depending on who you were.

Silence.

Eliza froze as her knocks were met only with echoes. She knocked harder. And harder.

She was nearly sobbing as she pounded harder on the door, because Maria was in there and Maria was in trouble and it was probably Maria’s douchebag of a boyfriend and it was all Eliza’s fault for not seeing the message sooner and it was futile.

Slumping back into Angelica and shaking like a chihuahua, Eliza began to lose all hope.

Throughout her life, Eliza had been hopeful. She had never been the type of person to give up. She was the optimist, the beacon of joy and light in the family. Eliza was naturally kind, sure, but she couldn’t be happy all the time. She had tried to be positive when she saw the scars twisting across John’s freckled back. She tried to be positive when hate comments flowed across Laf’s YouTube page. But she couldn’t be positive now.

Maria was what was important, though.

 

Peggy knelt before the door, pulling a hair pin from her thick curls. A bumpy ponytail was the lease of her worries at the moment.

Thank goodness Alexander Hamilton was one of her best friends. That kid could pick a lock like nobody’s business.

Eliza and Angelica didn’t even make a slight protest when they saw what she was doing. They didn’t ask how she knew, or if she knew, for that matter. Peggy could feel the nervousness rolling off of them. Not that she wasn’t afraid, too. Maria was too wonderful to have anything bad happen to her.

The door swung open, its squeak eerie in the darkness. Eliza murmured something along the lines of “thank god” and pushed forward into the apartment.

She switched on the lights.

There was red smeared across the wall, roughly shaped like a handprint. Peggy’s stomach churned as she followed the line of blood to the ground.

Eliza screamed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i want to sing west side story right now but i think that song is too happy
> 
> maybe "i am damaged" is better


	24. Nutella

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oH look at that Rosy posted another filler chapter WOW
> 
> yeah i'm a terrible person 
> 
> also dUDES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 120 kudos?????????? HOLY SHIT U GUYS RULE
> 
> btw laf decides to be a little shit and make a sexual reference sooooo but this is a T fic no worries

Afterwards, Laf made crepes. They swirled the batter across the pan and waited for bubbles. Herc sipped coffee and scooped Nutella from the jar on the counter.

“Stop eating the Nutella, Hercules.”

“Stop leaving the Nutella out for me to eat, Lafayette.”

“Touché.”

Herc snickered through a mouthful of chocolate as Laf glared at him.

“You know,” they said flirtatiously, leaning across the counter so their nose brushed Herc’s, “I think I would like to use Nutella for-.”

 _“Shut up!”_ Herc yelped, jumping back.

Laf smirked and swiped a lazy finger in small circles through the Nutella. They moved to pop their Nutella-coated finger in their mouth, eyes locked with Herc’s.

Instead, they splotched the chocolate onto their cheek. Laf spluttered angrily while Herc wheezed with laughter.

Smoke rose from the crepe pan and both of their eyes widened.

_“Shit!”_

“J'ai brûlé mes crêpes!”

 

Alex’s phone was practically exploding. John tilted his head at him over the page of his sketchbook. Alex shrugged.

“I’ll get it,” John said, smiling shyly. He tossed it to Alex, who frowned.

 

MISSED CALLS:

 

ELIZA<3<3 (2)

 

ANGEL (7)

TEQUILA (4)

 

TEXTS:

 

eliza<3<3: alex alex pick up now you idiot (10:55)

 

eliza<3<3: it’s maria (10:55)

 

eliza<3<3: oh god shit god help alex ANSWER THE GODDAMN CALLS (10:54)

 

angel: alexander fucking Hamilton if you don’t pick up the fucking phone right now I will kill you with my fucking bare hands (10:53)

 

tequila: this is not good get ur ass over here asap (10:53)

 

tequila: herc and laf are probably kissing each others eyes off the goddamn fuckboys but I guess that’s not true bc laf but THAT’S NOT IMPORTANT (10:52)

 

“Alexander? You alright?” John was crouching before him, concerned. God, he was gorgeous. Those _eyes_ and the freckles and John’s hair really was as soft as it looked.

“Apparently Laf and Herc are a _thing_ now,” Alex breathed. He felt shaky and he wasn’t sure whether it was Maria or this new relationship. Why was he upset? He was in love with John, right?

“Really? Wow.” For a moment, Alex saw sadness flit across those amber eyes.

No. He must have imagined it.

“Yeah, but that’s not all. Something happened to Maria.”

“It’s her boyfriend,” John said immediately, with an assuredness that surprised and worried Alex.

“Are you sure?”

“Positive. I can tell, Alexander.”

Okay, that was it, Alex was officially heartbroken. He couldn’t fathom how anyone would ever want to lay a hand on people as fantastic as Maria and John. It killed him. Maybe his own childhood was a trail of destruction, death, and depression, but it was nothing as to John’s life. Alex knew that he had only hit the tip of the iceberg.

He breathed deeply and pressed a light kiss to John’s soft mouth. “Okay.”

 

alex: john says its her bf

 

eliza<3<3: thank god omg omgggggg

 

eliza<3<3: I figured

 

alex: I’m on my way whats the address

“Let’s go,” John said softly, pulling Alex from the chair. They walked hand in hand, leaning into one another like an elderly couple.

 

Eliza fell to her knees, rolling Maria over from where she had crumpled on the ground. The world hazed around her, Angelica’s frantic voice and Peggy’s frightened one drawing out into a strange slow motion buzz behind her.

_“Check the house!”_

_“I’m going to murder someone.”_

_“Eliza, look her over.”_

_“Eliza! Eliza, don’t blank out on me now.”_

Angelica shook Eliza’s shoulders violently, her face coming into focus. Fear. Tears, budding in her wide chocolate eyes. Angelica was always the reasonable, stoic one. The tears shocked Eliza into action.

“Right. Right!” Eliza wiped her eyes and held her shaking hands over Maria’s chest.

_Assess the damage._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't actually know whats happening and spent the majority of this checking back to see if i'd mentioned what time it was earlier hahahahaha i don't know how to write SHOCKER


	25. Blood , Tears, and Another Phone Call

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy fourth of july to my fellow americans 
> 
> my sister is celebrating by reenacting the cabinet battles via hamilton and jefferson bobbleheads
> 
> help

John dragged Alexander off the train, heart pounding. He knew that this could be serious. _Really_ serious. The last person in the world who deserved to get hurt was Maria (or Eliza, who would probably collapse if anything happened to her crush). God. The past few days had been an absolute tornado of events. Part of him couldn’t believe it. Most of him. All of him, actually. It seemed impossible that things could be looking up.

The sidewalks were crowded, obscuring the street signs and colorful storefronts that could offer a sense of where they were.

Alexander was holding onto John’s hand, squeezing tightly and smiling reassuringly whenever he met John’s eyes.

“This is the street, right?”

“Yeah; take a left.”

Maria’s neighborhood was nice- street-entry apartments with brownstone fronts and a modern, hipster vibe that John liked immediately. He could easily picture Maria walking beneath the voluminous trees, her equally thick hair bouncing in the wind and her crimson lips pursed nervously.

If John was into girls, he’d probably be into Maria. Instead, he sympathized. Deeply. There had been a connection; a mutual understanding when they met that had established a sort of partnership. John felt overprotective, which seemed silly earlier but made a shit ton of sense now.

“John. _John._ This is it,” Alex whispered, his wide coffee eyes scanning the open doorway nervously.

“You sure?” John tapped his fingers against the iron gate.

“Yep. Same numbers. 108.”

“Okay,” he said, his voice breathy.

Alex stood up on his tippy toes and brought down John’s face for a long, slow kiss. Just a bit of tongue, but mostly love. John could really get used to this.

He pulled away first. Alex could hold his breath so damn long. “What was that for?” John realized what that sounded like, and hastily returned to cover up his mistake. “I mean, it was amazing, but-.”

“I want you to know I’m here for you. We all are. Me in particular,” Alexander blurted, his brow furrowed and those soulful eyes worried. “Let me know if you need to get out, or cry, or vent, or… yeah. That stuff.”

John stumbled over his words for a minute, his heart feeling more and more like a milkshake rather than a hard block of ice cream. “Alexander, I....” He breathed deeply and focused on Alex’s kind and cocky smile. “Thank you. For saying that.”

This time, John insinuated the kiss, taking it a little further and angling his head for leverage. Alex whispered against his jawline. _“Maria.”_

He snapped back. Right. How could he forget? Being in love was a surefire way to be forgetful.

Was he in love? John pushed the thought aside. Maria was what was important right now.

“Let’s go.”

 

Laf bit their bottom lip nervously. No word on Maria. They wanted to be guilty about missing the texts, but there was no way to be guilty about anything after _that_.

They watched Herc with true interest has he sketched, the outline of some clothing item slowly taking shape. Laf shook their head, remembering what they were supposed to be doing to take their mind off Maria.

“This one needs more glitter.”

“Laf, not everything can be covered in glitter,” Herc sighed, dutifully taking the sketch and reviewing the fabric swatches taped down to the corner.

“Herc,” Laf said, imitating their boyfriend’s tone, “everything can be covered in glitter.”

“Typical,” Herc muttered, grinning down as he tossed the card back. “Besides, this is a _vintage_ dress. No glitter in the forties. There was a war going on.”

“Ugh,” Laf groaned, dropping their head back on the pillows. _“Wars.”_

And they said it with such utter contempt that Herc had to stop sketching for fear his bellowing laughs would throw off his pencil.

 

Peggy was interested in nursing, thank goodness, so she had an idea of what to do. “I think she’s been knocked out with drugs or something, so it’s not that her injuries are that bad. Broken nose, bruising.”

“Fuck, Peggy, you really can be a doctor,” Alex proclaimed taking in the blood on the wall. John had dropped to his knees beside Maria’s body, pushing his fingers to her neck for a pulse.

It killed her that that was his first instinct. _Is she alive?_

Eliza and Angelica made eye contact over the three huddled on the floor, the question clear on their faces. Peggy caught Angie’s gaze and mouthed her words, something that the Schuylers were efficient with. Sisterly superpowers or something like that.

_Don’t ask him._

_Yeah, I know._

_Still._

Alex was watching John systematically check Maria’s prone figure with a funny gaze of love and extreme sadness. Last Peggy checked, Alex _had_ been hopelessly in love with John, so it was entirely plausible that it was that causing the odd expression.

“I think we need to call the cops,” Peggy said breathlessly. Eliza nodded anxiously and stumbled into the next room with her phone already dialing.

John finished whatever he was doing and stood up shakily. Angie shared a glance with Peggy and tipped her head slightly to indicate a quick trip to the bathroom off the foyer. “There’s blood on your hands, Peggy.”

“You too, idiot.”

They slipped into the small, rose colored room and shut the door. Peggy pressed her ear to the door while Angelica perched on the toilet, waiting for a report.

“You okay, babe?”

 _Babe?_ Peggy mouthed at Angie, who was smirking ever so slightly.

“Yeah. I’m fine.” This was John, unsteady and afraid. “Sorry, just… _god_.”

“I know. But you’ll be fine.”

“Ugh, fuck, Alexander.” A low sob, muffled by something. Maybe Alex’s shoulder. Peggy flicked her eyebrows up and down at Angelica, who was rolling her eyes to the extent that Peggy thought they may fall out of her head entirely.

“Shh, John, I’m here.”

More sobs. Angelica frowned, sadness clear on her face as she and Peggy exchanged glances. Peggy fought the urge to envelop her sister in a hug. She was so lucky, wasn’t she?

Instead, Angie hopped off the toilet seat and flushed.

“Thank fucking god, Angie, I need to _pee_.”

 

Eliza set the phone back in her pocket and leaned against the doorframe, her hands still trembling like quaking aspen leaves in the wind.

Maria was hurt. Maria was unconscious. Maria was bleeding.

She should have been there sooner.

Sliding down the wall to the floor, Eliza let the silent tears fall.

Being love was the worst thing in the world, and yet the absolute best.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh saaaaaaaay can you seeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEE by the DAwns early light what so PROOOOOUDly we haiiiiled at the twilights l a s t g l e a m i n g whose broad striped and bRIGHT STAAAAAAAAARS through the perilous fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight uuuuuuuuuuuuuuughhhhhhhh


	26. One Week Pt. 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a filler chapter rly
> 
> we're just setting the stage for the next few chapters 
> 
> anyway
> 
> enjoy!

They sat around the hospital bed, holding hands and leaning against each other in the way that friends do. Maria was awake, watching them through sleepy eyes as Eliza talked quietly about nonsense.

But Angie wasn’t watching her sister or Maria. She was watching the four people on the couch, tangled together in an awkward way that seemed strange to her, knowing how inseparable they were.

John had Alex in his lap, curled around him like a koala. They were an adorable couple, no doubt, but there was a longing in both of their eyes that made Angelica nervous.

Laf was tucked under Herc’s big arm, their eyes half closed and their breathing slow and even. Herc was cautiously flicking his gaze to John and Alex. The longing was there, too, and Laf seemed forlorn.

The few inches of space between the two couples was conspicuous. It screamed words that no one, not even Alex, could express.

Angelica sighed loudly and stood, gaining the attention of her sisters. Peggy frowned, her gaze averted from the heart monitor off to the side.

“What’s happening?”

Angie threw an annoyed look in the general direction of the couch. “You four are being idiots.”

Laf straightened up and rubbed the sleep from their eyes. “Quelle?”

“Laf, Herc, John, and Alex. You’re all being really dumb.” Angie folded her arms and appraised the confused faces before her. “Oh, come on. Get up.”

They exchanged questioning looks, shifting uncomfortably and leaning away from Angelica. She facepalmed and groaned with all the frustration she could muster at the moment, which was quite a bit.

Maria blinked at her with a fearful and exhausted look. Eliza squeezed her hand tightly, the love plain in her actions. Peggy tapped her nails against the bedside table, a single eyebrow raised in the way that Schuylers could only pull off.

Then it clicked. “Actually,” Angelica started, cautious, “sit back down.”

 

 _One week._ Eliza had one week to drop the ball on Maria. One week was not enough time to confess your undying love to a girl in a hospital, fresh out of an abusive relationship. God, for all her wit and compassion, Angelica could really be insensitive.

Or maybe it was better this way. No long-term pining, which was something Eliza was fantastic at. And if she couldn’t muster up the courage to do it herself, Angelica would do it for her.

One week.

Eliza could do this.

 

One week.

What did Angelica expect him to do? He had already confessed to John. They were dating. It was fantastic. What else was there to say?

Then Alex thought about it. He wrote it all down, mapped it all out. His notebook ended up with similar messy renditions of some weird love square thing, but he still didn’t comprehend it.

He despised this feeling. Alex was used to understanding everything.

One week. For what?

 

One week.

Herc had one glorious week to make sense of his own emotions, and then spill it all to the three people he loved. He was never the type of person to try and grab the spotlight, but now he felt like he was up in the catwalk, focusing the big lighting rigs directly on himself. He was caught in the glare that was Angelica, with no was to get out.

One week.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> d i s c l a i m e r:
> 
> the "one week" idea is not my original idea. that credit belongs to ChipperSpirit here on Ao3 and their work Our Actions Define Us. puh-leeeeaaase check our their work.


	27. One Week Pt. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a quick summary of the week
> 
> also i found a pillow that is literally the sneaky emoji and i've been sending it to everyone bc i'm a horrible friend and my bestie is sending me pictures of the supreme court in retribution like NOT EVERYONE GETS TO GO TO DC JANE GOD

DAY ONE

 

Eliza sat with Maria as long as visiting hours would allow, and perhaps longer because the doctors fell in love with her friendly and caring disposition. Maybe they saw the tenderness which with Eliza cared for Maria. She didn’t really know, but there was no way she was going to question it.

Herc, Laf, Alex, and John spent most of the day rotating from Netflix to ice cream to brainstorming video ideas.

Angelica and Peggy played an intense game of Rail Baron with their neighbors, Martha Manning and Adrienne Noailles.

 

DAY TWO

 

Angelica poured over law books and scribbled down questions to ask John. She also went to the gym and used the rowing machine to control her anger.

Laf and Herc made out some more.

John drew all day, still trying to figure out Alexander’s eyes. He posted a speed paint video and hyperventilated whenever he remembered the way it felt to have Alexander kiss his jawline.

Alex typed and drank about eighteen cups of coffee. He wasn’t sure whether he had looked away from his laptop all day.

Eliza stress-baked three batches of her famous brownies and sang Broadway songs with Peggy.

 

DAY THREE

 

Eliza brought all of the brownies to Laf, Herc, and Alex’s place because she decided they were a little too dense to give to Maria.

Alex went to John’s after Laf and Herc disappeared into Laf’s room. He wasn’t interested in being in the apartment with them while they were doing _that_.

Angelica laughed at Eliza quite a bit. Then she reviewed her law suit draft.

Peggy read dirty romance novels all day, much to her sisters’ distress.

 

DAY FOUR

 

John agreed to interview with Angelica after the week was up. He then went to sleep and woke up again just as the sun was setting. He ordered pizza.

Eliza brought Maria a perfect batch of brownies. She also gave some to the doctors in thanks, which bribed them to let her stay longer.

Herc began work on a new project, commissioned by some important business man. Laf suggested glitter.

Angelica laughed at the dreamy expression on Eliza’s face and the bright red of Peggy’s as she continued with her smutty novel marathon.

Alex rewatched the first season of FRIENDS. He squealed unnecessarily quite a bit and also moaned loudly, feeling embarrassed for the characters on screen. Why was he so emotionally invested in this show?

 

DAY FIVE

 

Eliza stress baked more. She seriously considered leaving a note alongside the plate of cookies, but several failed drafts later, Eliza merely brought the baked goods and left them on the bedside table. Maria needed her sleep.

Alex lay face down on the rug in his bedroom for a while, muttering about polyamory statistics and how beautiful John Lauren’s freckles were.

Peggy abandoned her novel marathon and switched over to young adult science fiction.

Angelica buried herself in law books yet again and spent most of the day moving her lips silently and taking notes.

Lafayette posted an eye tutorial and filmed a Q and A for next week, having nothing else to do besides fidget nervously and imagine romantic love confessions.

John ignored his dad’s calls all day and ate more ice cream to recover.

 

DAY SIX

 

Herc went fabric shopping, spending hours pouring over textures and materials and colors. He considered a bit of glitter, but dismissed the thought quickly.

Maria was released from the hospital and a restraining order was filed. Angelica wished she could work on a second lawsuit at the same time, but decided that that was too much.

John vlogged a trip to the coffee shop with Alex and they answered questions from Twitter.

 

DAY SEVEN

 

Eliza lay in bed, thinking, long past noon. Peggy checked her temperature about thirty times, positive she was sick. _No,_ Eliza thought, _just confused._ She had twenty-four hours before Angelica interfered.

Alex woke up tangled in John’s arms. He watched his boyfriend sleep, a goofy smile on his face. This had quickly become one of his favorite pass times. Still, he felt like something was missing. Twenty-four hours.

Herc tossed and turned all night and woke up with a pounding headache and a concerned Laf leaning over him. He was sick. Great.

Angelica watched the clock with a grim smile. Peggy glared at her over the table. “You’re cruel, Angie.”

Maybe she was. But since when had Angelica Schuyler cared what others thought of her?

 

Eliza knocked nervously on Maria’s door, a cheesecake in her arms. She might have been baking too much, but beating eggs into fluffy peaks and attacking dough with a rolling pin was excellent stress and anger management. Maria answered quickly, a bandage on her nose.

“Hi Betsy,” she whispered, sleepy.

“Hey. I baked more.”

“Shocking.”

Maria opened the door wider, beckoning Eliza inside.

“Sorry I keep visiting and giving you food. I’m just nervous. Let me know if it’s too much,” Eliza said shyly, looking up at Maria through her eyelashes.

“Don’t say that. You’re never too much.”

They put the cheesecake in the kitchen and settled on Maria’s bed while she talked about a convention approaching. Eliza watched her move with interest, enveloped in the soft rise and fall of Maria’s voice.

 She had fallen in love with that voice, deep and rich and full of melancholy passion. Eliza had tumbled into a rabbit hole of intelligent eyes and soft waves and crimson lipstick. She was lost in a maze of red roses and thorns, but she had no interest in getting out.

Maria fell onto the bed beside Eliza and smiled the compassionate smile that made everyone lay down at Maria’s feet.

“How have you been?”

“Tired,” Eliza laughed, picking at some flour caked under her nails.

“Ah, relatable.”

“Angelica has been stressing me out with her law books and this one week thing,” Eliza sighed, rubbing her eyes. Maria cleared her throat.

“Actually, about that. The one week thing.”

Eliza shot up. She knew, didn’t she? Maria knew and she was going to turn her away.

“Yeah?”

Maria fiddled with the edge of her blankets, shifting nervously. “When I met you, I-.” She sighed. “I’m just going to say it. Eliza, would you go out with me?”

 

Eliza’s heart slowed and her eye widened. This couldn’t be happening. Maria was looking at her nervously, head tilted and lips just ever so slightly separated.

Eliza squeaked. Maria looked down, pain in her face. Did she think Eliza was turning her away? Eliza slipped forward and lifted Maria’s chin up to meet hers.

“Of _course_ , Maria; that’s what I came here to do,” Eliza breathed.

Relief filled Maria’s eyes, and their lips met.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *sneaky pillow*
> 
> also the next chapter is going to be cheesy af and i'm going to rewrite it right now because its too cliche heeeeeeeeeeeeelp


	28. Supernova

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i fixed it
> 
> yaaaaay

They all assembled in the Schuyler’s apartment, Maria holding Eliza tightly in the big armchair that Peggy usually occupied. Angelica had breathed a sigh of relief when the pair showed up at their building exchanging soft kisses and protectively wrapped around each other. She wouldn’t have wanted to shatter Eliza or Maria at all.

The four others? That she didn’t mind at all.

Alex and John showed up together, standing an awkward few inches apart. They sat primly on the couch and refused to make eye contact with anybody. Angie stopped by to mutter something in John’s ear.

“Tomorrow, two o’clock, your place.”

John flinched and nodded. Angelica rubbed the spot between his shoulder blades comfortingly. She met Alex’s eyes, seeing the heartbreak as clear as the freckles on John’s toffee skin. She smiled tightly and winked. He glared, but there was no malice behind the expression.

Herc knocked, the noise soft but full of power in the way that came only with someone like Herc. Peggy opened the door and bowed extravagantly. Laf peered nervously over Herc’s shoulder, the nervousness plain on their face.

They curled up on the floor between Herc and Peggy. Angelica stepped up on the coffee table and frowned down.

“So, the only people who have managed to work this out it Eliza and Maria.”

The four new additions leaned around her to see Maria draw Eliza up for a slow kiss. This was new information. Alex exchanged a happy glance with John, who was watching with pride.

Angelica turned back. “Now. You four. Obviously, no progress has been made.”

Peggy stood up beside her sister and grinned wickedly. “Work it all out. We’re leaving you here.”

Judging by the silence, this was completely unexpected. John’s freckles faded back into the bright red of his cheeks, his bronze eyes crinkled. Alex was nodding anxiously, his eyes wide and fingers white at the edge of the cushion. Laf had buried their face in their hands. Herc was staring at Peggy in shock.

“So… we just stay here?”

Angelica gave him the famous Schuyler _look_. “Breadsticks, anybody?”

“Ugh, fuck yeah,” Peggy sighed. The girls left the room, Eliza piggybacking on Maria’s shoulders.

 

John stood up and closed his eyes. “Sorry.”

“Wait, what?” Alex exclaimed, shooting up. “About what?”

 _Everything._ “Just… this.”

Laf had gotten to their feet too, followed by Herc. The four stood awkwardly around each other, John’s eyes turned down to the floor, embarrassed. This was so wrong. He couldn’t like guys in the first place, and here he was going after two of them and a non-binary French person. His father would go into cardiac arrest, and then he’d probably try and drown John again. And then he’d pull a pistol on the others.

John took a deep breath and locked eyes with the others, particularly Alex. This could end their relationship completely. Laf looked at him curiously. “I think I’m in love with all three of you,” he rushed out, feeling their eyes go wide on him.

The room was unbearably silent.

He shouldn’t have said anything. John couldn’t afford to lose his friends, but it looked like that was exactly what he had done. He closed his eyes and sighed.

He was shocked back into reality when Laf charged across the room and grabbed his waist.

This kiss was a supernova. Laf’s lips on his, Laf’s hands on his waist, the feeling of their body pushed up against him. John’s eyes were wide open, his hands hanging in the air as Laf worked along his mouth.

Laf pulled back suddenly, leaving John breathing hard and shaking a bit. “Never be sorry for loving someone,” Laf whispered, pulling John in for a tight hug.

Herc came up and wrapped them both in his strong arms, whispering something about loving them for _“so fucking long”._ Alex pushed up between them and pressed his lips softly to Laf’s.

Their love was a never-ending supernova, an explosion that echoed across the universe. Laf’s colors, Herc’s power, Alexander’s unfathomable genius, and John’s stars. They didn’t need approval. They didn’t need the world, because they were the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the last line is a translation from 5 Fine Frokner, a norwegian song i listen to in repeat 
> 
> OG VI TRENGER IKKE VERDEN FOR MEG OG DEG ER VERDEN
> 
> ugh sorry gabrielle is just amazing


	29. Kisses

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in which rosy tries to write a kiss scene but she's never kissed anyone and is probably asexual ahahahahaha and then writes angst just because

Maria insisted on putting even more garlic powder over the breadsticks. “It tastes so good like this,” she proclaimed.

“No, it tastes awful,” Peggy gasped, aghast. Eliza laughed loudly into Maria’s shoulder. She was lucky to have someone as kind and smart and wonderful as Eliza as her girlfriend.

Maria had been stuck, trapped in a cage of confusion and pain. Being with Eliza was like soaring free above the ground, spreading her wings to their full potential. The wind beneath her was like Eliza herself, a rush of positive energy.

If Maria believed in God, she would have thought that Eliza was one of his angels, sent from heaven to save her.

 

Alex hadn’t ever made out with three other people before. It was a new experience, like an explosion going off between them, and he thought that he was already fairly excellent at it. He had his left hand pressed into the small of John’s back, careful not to press too hard. His right was tangled in Laf’s ponytail, cupping the back of their head. He was currently kissing the underside of Herc’s jaw because that was all he could reach.

He was a hurricane. Constant movement, constant thought, a whirlwind of emotion ripping through him every second. But at that moment, Alexander Hamilton drifted into the eye of the storm. This was the calm, the steady. The three people surrounding him were his new constant.

Alex could get used to this.

 

Laf had decided to majorly snog Alexander, leaving Herc with John.

“They’re cute,” John sighed happily, lips swollen and cheeks crimson.

“You’re cute,” Herc replied mindlessly. He froze. How was one supposed to act with someone as broken and yet untouched as John? He stumbled over his next words, which became some sort of apology-affirmation combo.

John shut him up effortlessly, a breathy laugh floating across his lips just before Herc found his face connecting with the freckled one he’d been dreaming about, John’s strong legs hooking around his waist. Coming down from above, John’s freckled fingers brushed across Herc’s cheekbone as they delved into a slow and tender kiss.

 

Laf glanced up from Alex (who smelled _amazing_ ) to watch John and Herc together. They were a beautiful couple. Herc stood strong, his large hands bracing John to him, as John maximized his tender disposition.

This was their dream. Laf loved Herc, but he wanted the sweetness that came from John and the passion from Alex. The four of them together created some perfect recipe, like Eliza’s brownies.

They couldn’t imagine a life without the three men before them now.

 

Herc set John down on the couch, gently letting him go limp over the arm. Laf climbed over to meet John’s mouth again, suckling along his jawline in the way that Alex did, driving John crazy. He pulled them closer, using the leverage he gained to flip them over so John was straddling them.

This wasn’t wrong at all. This was perfect. John smiled against Laf’s collarbone (which was perfect in itself).

 

A crash from the living room shocked Peggy out of her stupor. Angelica hadn’t noticed the amount of time she was spending with Martha and Adrienne, which made Peggy feel incredibly sneaky and brilliant. Of course, they still hadn’t gotten Elizabeth Sanders, but it would be happening soon.

All the love in the air (which made Peggy either squeal happily or throw annoyed looks around the room) was enticing her to make an announcement.

Except that crash had reverberated throughout the apartment.

Angelica shrieked and dropped her breadstick, practically knocking down the door in her rush to see what had occurred.

Peggy winked at Eliza and Maria, making them blush and squirm into each other.

_“What the fuck?!”_

That was Angie, for sure.

Peggy rushed after her, skidding to a stop in the living room. She was already laughing at Angie’s flaming face and flailing hands.

Herc and Alex lay on the floor, Alex shaking from silent laughter and Herc face down and groaning. John was straddling Laf on the sofa, looking very nervous all of a sudden, his eyes wide on Angelica.

“That’s my favorite coffee table!” Angie pulled at her hair.

Eliza and Maria were laughing behind Peggy, but Peggy wasn’t focused on the comical aspect as much as she was on John.

_“Angie.”_

“Peggy, my _coffee table_ though!” Angelica threw off Peggy’s hand.

Everyone seemed to catch the flinch this time.

 

Alexander saw it in slow motion, his gaze shifting over from Angelica’s hilarious expression (how exactly did he and Herc break the table, anyway?) to Laf, expecting to see laughter, but he saw only anxiousness.

He saw the exact moment that Angie shook off Peggy’s hand. He saw the fear flash across John’s eyes, the way he gritted his teeth and turned away quickly.

It reminded Alex of how close John was to the edge.

Angelica saw it too, apparently, because she was hugging John tightly within the next second, rocking back and forth with him on the couch, muttering apologies while John rubbed her back and assured her he was fine.

The image of John’s scarred back returned to him immediately.

Laf sat up and wrapped their arms around Angie and John. Peggy slid up under Angelica’s arm to allow space for Maria to climb in as well. Eliza followed, a soothing hand in the small of Maria’s back. Herc and Alex scrambled up to the couch, Alex popping up on the back of the couch and pressing a soft kiss to the top of John’s head.

So, they sat there for a long time, the eight of them curled around John and Maria, with Angelica murmuring soft nothings between her occasional sobs.

“I can’t believe you broke my _fucking coffee table_.”

“And I can’t believe I’m pan and in a poly relationship with our neighbors!”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't really like the end of this but i think that everyone needs a reminder that john is not okay™


	30. Sunrise Pt. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lowkey falling in love with the polysquad
> 
> i mean i was already in love with it but 
> 
> l a m s
> 
> also how can you love anything else when anthony ramos exists

The ride back to the big apartment was quiet and comfortable. Herc reveled in the feeling of Laf draped across his lap and the warmth of Alex and John, pressed into his left side.

“This is much better,” Alex whispered, his fingers running through John’s curls.

“Much,” Herc agreed.

“Oui,” Laf proclaimed, yawning over their words.

John murmured his consent, leaning back into Alex’s touch. God, Herc just wanted to hold them all. He wanted to erase John’s pain, calm Alexander’s turbulent existence, treasure Laf’s beauty. He just hoped that they’d work out, because Herc could see a future that he wanted, desperately.

 

Alex could have fainted when John plopped onto the couch in Herc’s sweater and boxers. Even though John had a few inches on Alex, Herc was about twice his size. The sleeves fell over John’s freckled hands and the collar was slipping down just enough to show the place where his shoulder met his neck.

_What the fuck, Alex?_

“Hey.”

“Hey,” Alex breathed in response, focusing on the sleepy happiness in John’s golden eyes. Before this, he hadn’t known eyes could be that color at all. Alex was extremely thankful that they could, because _damn_.

Laf pulled Alex up onto the couch, soliciting a stubborn exclamation in Spanish. John leaned forward, suddenly excited.

“You speak Spanish?”

“Yeah,” Alex said cautiously. He tried not to. Too many memories.

“I haven’t in _ages_ ,” John said wistfully.

Herc slid in between the arm of the couch and John, plucking at a loose strand of John’s hair. “You look cute in my sweater.”

John spluttered a laugh. Alex snickered into Laf’s shoulder, who frowned

“What is so funny?”

“That’s pretty much _exactly_ what I said to Alex before I kissed him.”

“Well, then,” Herc grinned. “Let’s do that again”

 

Maria spent the night curled up against Eliza, buried in quilts and nestled in pillows. Eliza had a bed straight out of a Pottery Barn magazine, and it really was as comfortable as it looked. She watched Eliza breathe, a piece of ebony hair falling across her face. Maria brushed it away tenderly.

She woke up to Eliza sipping tea and reading, which struck Maria as so very _Eliza_. This girl seemed straight out of the English countryside or a Jane Austen novel. Maria smiled dreamily up at her girlfriend (girlfriend!) and whispered a raspy “good morning”.

“’Morning, Maria.”

That _voice_. It felt like someone had given her chocolate and sunshine itself all wrapped up in festive wrapping paper and tucked beneath a Christmas tree.

“You’re beautiful,” Maria said, throwing the word carelessly and yet with complete and utter sincerity. It came easily around Eliza, because that was what she was. Beautiful inside and out.

Eliza blushed, her porcelain cheeks flushing crimson. “You too.”

Maria sat up and leaned over to brush her lips against Eliza’s, but a small hand reached her waist and drew her in for something deeper. Her heart pounded and her stomach flipped.

 

The dazed smile that grew across Maria’s face after they pulled apart made Eliza feel like sprinting up to Albany to introduce her new wife.

 _“Albany!”_ Eliza yelped, rolling out of bed and throwing open the door. “Angie!”

A grumpy and sleep-tousled Angelica Schuyler was not something you ever wanted to mess with, but Eliza would take her chances.

“Holy shit, Angie, we have to get up to Albany!”

They’d scrounged another week before they left to allow Maria time to recover, but this time there was no escaping it. It wasn’t as if Eliza didn’t want to be there- there was just so much happening in New York. Like Maria. And the polysquad. And John and the lawsuit.

Angelica was groaning monotonously, flopped on her stomach.

Peggy tumbled from her room, yelling deftly about burglars and her kung-fu skills.

Maria poked her head around the corner, frowning.

Eliza sighed. This was going to be a long road trip.

 

The first thing Laf noticed when they woke up was the feeling of warmth and comfort. Unfamiliar, but certainly not unwelcomed. They blinked in the light, smiling as they took in the three people around them.

Herc lay on his back, as usual, which continued to freak Alexander out a bit. One arm was tucked around Laf, the other around Alex. Laf followed their own arm over John, who had wormed between Laf’s front and Herc’s torso. He held hands with Alex, their fingers delicately interlaced.

Laf buried their face in John’s soft curls, inhaling the coconut shampoo scent. They glanced down, seeing that the sweated had bunched up around John’s waist sometime in the night. The freckles really were everywhere. Laf’s heart clenched at the sight of the scars. They were going to _shoot_ Henry Laurens.

They let a finger trail down the soft curve of John’s side, careful not to touch. He was a beautiful person, really, perfect in every way possible.

It became clear to Laf that someone was watching. They glanced up to meet Herc’s eyes, warm and purely happy.

John stirred a bit in his sleep, whimpering a bit beneath Laf’s weight. They slid a hand up to John’s chest, the pressure pulling him back to reality in the gentlest of ways.

Herc pressed a soft kiss to John’s forehead, Laf watching contentedly.

“I need some fucking coffee,” John murmured, smiling up at Herc.

“You will have to ask Alexander about that,” Laf breathed, their lips ghosting across John’s ear.

“’Kay.”

John wormed forward, tipping the sleeping (shocking) Alexander’s chin upwards to meet his lips.

Laf sighed happily. They would give the world for this to happen every day.

 

Eliza was trying to fold stuff neatly into her suitcase. Peggy was whistling and shoving in random stuff. Maria was sipping coffee and watching rather anxiously.

Angelica skidded into the hallway. “We’re leaving in negative six seconds!”

Maria spluttered on her drink. “What does that even mean?”

“Hurry the _fuck_ up!” Angie yelped, hopping on one foot. “My toe, my toe, agh… Eliza, help…”

“Don’t you have an interview with John?” Peggy suggested innocently, winking at Maria over Angie’s shoulder.

“Ah, _fuck_ , you’re right,” Angelica moaned, face palming.

Maria cleared her throat. “Angie, why don’t you stay here for now and then you can borrow my car and drive up?” She wasn’t excited to be back in her apartment alone. Nightmares came easy and a restraining order couldn’t stop James from anything.

Eliza shot her head up, eyes wide and hair flipping like a wave of ink. “No! No, Maria, you can’t- it’s not- _James_ -,” she stuttered. Angelica nodded in recognition.

“Maria, you shouldn’t. And I do need to work on this case a bit.”

Peggy grinned wickedly. “I call shotgun.”

 

John remembered that he had a meeting with Angelica about an hour before they had scheduled it. He put down his coffee and dropping his head on the table.

Herc rose anxiously. “You okay?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine.” _Respira._ John straightened up and smiled up at his boyfriend. “I have to go back to my place for Angelica.”

“Oh!” Herc’s eyes widened.

“What’s happening?” Alex asked sleepily, poking his head around the corner and blinking in the bright kitchen light.

“I have to go back to my place.” It felt wrong to call John’s apartment home because his place was so clearly here. This was his home now. Herc, Laf, and Alexander were home.

 

Peggy claimed shotgun, throwing her bag into the back and vaulting through the roof into the passenger seat. Eliza was lucky enough to have bribed her parents into helping her get the convertible- a powder blue Volkswagen beetle that the sisters adored. Angelica named it Tacy in honor of her favorite childhood books and a perfect nod to Eliza.

Maria slid into the backseat, laughing. “I think I can fit into Eliza’s clothes, or at least Angelica’s.”

“Good. We need to hit the road ASAP.” Eliza slammed the trunk closed and turned on the ignition.

Angelica watched with amusement. It would be great to have the apartment to herself. Lots of time to be angsty and eat an unhealthy amount of chocolate. Plus, no distractions to keep her away from law books.

She sighed, thinking of the questions she’d have to ask.

This was going to be a hard day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my sister keeps quoting the sandlot at me and its really annoying help


	31. Transcript

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING FOR LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN THIS 
> 
> there are descriptions of abuse and all that stuff in here and also parental death soooooo
> 
> BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP

TRANSCRIPT OF A. SCHUYLER’S CONVERSATION WITH J. LAURENS REGARDING LAWSUIT AGAINST H. LAURENS

 

AS: Before we begin, I’d like to summarize the purpose of this discussion.

 

JL: Okay.

 

AS: I’m going to be recording this, by the way. Basically, I’m here to get your story.

 

JL: _[unintelligible]_

 

AS: Yeah, I thought so. I’d like to start with… your mother. What was her relationship with you and with your father like?

 

JL: Mom was amazing. I was little when she died, four years old, so I don’t remember her all that well. I do remember that she and Dad argued a lot. Most of the time, though, she was with me. She was really supportive.

 

AS: Do you recall what these arguments were about?

 

JL: I have a really clear memory of one that I watched from the staircase. I think it was over Dad’s political opinion- that was always a taboo subject. She was crying, I think, and I don’t remember why. I do know that he hit her.

 

AS: Had that occurred previously?

 

JL: You sound so formal, Angie. I think it had. Now that I’m older, I remember bruises on her wrists and on her neck sometimes. I didn’t know what they were at the time, but I’m fairly positive now that he did. Hit her, I mean.

 

AS: What do you recall surrounding the death of your mother?

 

JL: _[silence]_ I… I was in the car. With her and Dad. I was in the backseat, probably messing around with a toy or something, but I wasn’t paying attention. I just know that they started whisper-yelling at each other. Dad started flailing his hands around. Mom said something about him accidently hitting me and she put her hand on his wrist to try and calm him down. She seemed really scared. And then… and then he threw her hand off. He jerked the wheel and we went over the side of the road.

 

AS: _[silence]_ Do you believe it was intentional?

 

JL: I’d like to say no… but I think it was. I think Dad drove us off that hill purposefully, yeah.

 

AS: What is your first memory of your father harming you?

 

JL: Oh, gosh. Uh, these two were so close together that I’m not sure which came first.

 

AS: You can do both.

 

JL: Okay. I was… five? Yeah, five. I turned five a few weeks after Mom died. I don’t remember what I did at all, but he locked me in a closet.

 

AS: A _closet._

 

JL: I think it was the coat closet right off the laundry room.

 

AS: Jesus, John.

 

JL: _[dry laughter]_ You can say that again.

 

AS: How long?

 

JL: Maybe six hours? I can’t remember, but I do know that I really had to pee.

 

AS: Food? Water?

 

JL: No.

 

AS: _[silence]_ What was the next one?

 

JL: This was the first time I remember his hitting me directly. I mean, he’d throw stuff at me, but it’s not the same.

 

AS: Can you tell me what happened?

 

JL: Yeah, I remember this one well. I think I had broken a glass. Something like that. Something really sharp. I don’t remember him saying anything- he just slapped me. Hard. I thought I was going to black out just from that, but I fell and cracked my head on the tile. I think I landed in the glass or whatever it was because I remember trying to pick it out of my hands.

 

AS: Did he offer any medical aid at all?

 

JL: No. He dragged me upstairs right after.

 

AS: And you were five for both of these events.

 

JL: Yes.

 

AS: What was the worst thing he did to you?

 

JL: I was fifteen for this one. I remember what happened before and a little bit during, but not after. There’s just a… hole of some sorts in my memory.

 

AS: How long of a hole?

 

JL: Maybe… three weeks?

 

AS: Okay. What happened?

 

JL: We were eating dinner together, which was pretty rare, so I remember it clearly. We were using Mom’s wedding china, which made him pretty grumpy in the first place. He started talking about politics. We have very different views, but I never told him anything about my perspective. I think he wanted me to follow in his footsteps. He was going on and on about immigrants and Planned Parenthood and feminism. Then he started saying really vulgar things about the LGBT community.

 

AS: Can you repeat some of those things?

 

JL: _[silence]_ Not out loud. I’ll write them down, though.

 

AS: Thank you.

 

JL: No big. I was trying really hard not to say anything, but it was too much. I just said “stop”, just “stop”, and he stood up. I remember struggling with him up the stairs, but he cracked my temple and my vision went really blurry. I think I fell down, but he had his hand around my throat, so… not really.

 

AS: He was trying to choke you?

 

JL: Not that time; just holding me up.

 

AS: Okay. What happened next?

 

JL: We got up into the big bathroom and he threw me into the mirror. It shattered and a lot of it went in my back. I think I was on the ground, but I could see him filling up the tub. And then he- _[sob]_ he- _[sob]_ Sorry.

AS: Take your time, John.

 

JL: I’m really sorry; I can’t say it.

 

AS: I have the medical transcripts.

 

JL: Oh god.

 

AS: John, you don’t remember those three weeks because you were _in a coma_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *more nervous laughing* ahahahahaha dont kill me


	32. Wedding Rings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a bit of a filler chapter, also clearing up some things in the marliza romance *wink wink*
> 
> i think i'll wrap up the summer within the next few chapter and then we'll switch to a new fic for the school year idk let me know if you guys would want a continuation of this story

Angelica brought the raw tape to the big apartment. Alex had opened the door, his nails bitten low and face pale. She merely handed him her phone, opened to the recording, and refused to answer the onslaught of questions he spewed.

Herc appeared around the corner. He glared unabashedly at Angie, who ignored him. She appeared on the verge of tears, her cheeks blotchy.

“Is that the recording?”

“Most of it. We had to stop. Doing the rest next week,” she said curtly. Herc frowned and wrapped an arm around Alex’s shoulders.

Alex leaned into the touch, needing comfort. He was falling apart with worry. And what had happened at the end? Something bad, surely.

“We have to wait for Laf. They went down the street for “fresh air”.”

“Figures,” Angelica sighed. She flopped onto the couch, leaving Alex to his armchair and Herc to the ottoman. “I need to get home. Also, I’m not listening again, so I might go over to Burr’s.”

“Theo just moved in,” Herc said flatly.

“Good. Someone to get my mind off of it all.”

“Weren’t you guys going to Albany?” Alex asked, halfheartedly poking at the crossword book in his lap. He normally loved them (excellent use of his extensive vocabulary), but he couldn’t bring himself to puzzle them out.

“Eliza, Maria, and Peggy are going. We decided that Maria shouldn’t stay here alone, what with James. And I need to work on this lawsuit.” Angelica chewed the inside of her cheek. “Honestly, I think the prosecution will have the upper hand.”

Alex glanced up at that. He loved law. “Evidence?”

“His back.”

“Right.”

“And we have medical records. I had to use Dad’s status to wheedle them out of the system. His dad payed a lot of money to keep them quiet.”

“I don’t even want to know,” Herc sighed, burying his face in his hands. Everyone seemed to be doing that a lot lately. Alex watched his boyfriend with anxiousness. If Herc was stressed, it was bad.

 

Peggy was positively screeching the lyrics to some old Taylor Swift song, Maria accompanying her from the backseat. Eliza watched her sway to the music through the rearview mirror. It felt so very cliché, the three girls singing and waving their arms through the roof, hair streaming behind them. It seemed unfair that Maria looked so beautiful at the moment and Eliza was unable to kiss her. Maybe Peggy could take over soon.

Something dropped into Eliza’s lap. A ring, heavy and shimmering. Not Peggy’s.

“Oops, sorry,” Maria apologized. “Fell off.”

“It’s beautiful,” Eliza commented, studying the diamonds. “Here.” She handed it back to Maria. “What’s it for?”

The album ended, leaving the car silent besides the rush of the wind. Maria blushed. “It’s my wedding ring.”

 _“Wedding?”_ Peggy repeated, incredulous.

Maria ducked her head. “James is my husband.”

“Oh,” Eliza breathed, her vision blurring for a moment. Peggy reached across the redirect the steering wheel towards an exit.

“Let’s switch.”

 

With Angelica supposedly chatting with Theodosia in the next apartment and Laf back home, Herc pressed _play_ and waited. Alex was already curled in Laf’s lap, watching the phone as if it were a ticking time bomb. Herc slid back beside them and wrapped his partners tightly within his arms.

 

Eliza held Maria’s hands, her back braced against the passenger seat. Her legs straddled Maria’s, which absolutely terrified her, and their noses were nearly touching.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” Maria whispered. “It’s a little embarrassing.”

“Don’t be sorry,” Eliza breathed, ghosting her lips across Maria’s eyelashes.

“I didn’t want to do it,” Maria choked out, a sob budding in her throat. “I wouldn’t be able to get away.”

“So, you need a divorce?” Eliza murmured. Maria nodded.

“Of course. I want to be with you.”

And this time, they really did kiss.

 

By the time the tape ended, Alex was full-on crying. Laf was holding back tears and Herc was staring off into space with murder in his eyes, but Alex was ugly-crying into Herc’s shirt.

Alexander Hamilton reduced to a trembling mess. How his enemies would have liked to see this.

He didn’t care about them at all, though, and he _did_ care about John Laurens.

John Laurens, of glittering eyes and warm laughs and gentle touches and stars. John Laurens, who hadn’t even known how bad his situation was. John Laurens, whose father had put him in a coma.

He had to get there. He had to get to John’s apartment.

 

John gazed out into the city, feeling as though he was watching it from another dimension. The heartbeat of the streets slowed, the movement halted, the colors dulled, and everything froze around him.

How had he not known? How had weeks of his life… disappeared? How had his father gotten away with it?

Angelica thought the case was already won, in a way. They had evidence. John had a perfect record. Angelica pretty much had the support of the entire Democratic party.

That didn’t make it any better.

He pressed a hand to the back of his neck and rolled out his shoulders. John didn’t have the motivation to do much besides watch the city.

But he didn’t feel like hurting himself. If anything, John felt lighter. Like telling someone had made it better. It hadn’t ever before. Maybe it was because Angie believed him.

The key clicked in the lock behind him. John stiffened and focused on the reflection in the window.

He had given Alex a key. Right.

Alexander slipped inside and leaned against the door, closing it softly. He padded across the tiny apartment to the window, taking his place beside John.

They stood together for a while, silent. John broke the frail calm first.

“Hey Alexander.” John looked down at his boyfriend with a shy smile. Alex met his eyes (Were they rimmed with red?).

He sobbed. Alex literally sobbed and proceeded to tackle John in a hug. “I- _hic_ \- am so- _hic_ \- proud- _hic_ \- of you.”

“For what, babe?” John rocked Alexander back and forth, holding them tightly together.

“For that fucking _interview_ , John,” Alex whispered into his chest.

“Oh,” John murmured. “You heard that?”

“Angie stopped by.”

“Classic.”

“Yeah,” Alexander giggled.

John wiped away Alex’s tears. “Don’t cry; I’m not.”

“God, John, how are you so strong?”

John opened his mouth, realized he had no answer, and decided to fill the space with a slow kiss to Alexander’s damp lips. They separated, lingering for a moment millimeters apart and locking eyes.

“I think of you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think John is ready to get better


	33. A Message to Henry Laurens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey look youve made it to the end

They fell asleep together again, all four of them tucked together between the sheets. Herc had been decidedly overprotective and had claimed the right to hold onto John. Laf had begrudgingly agreed to let Alexander take John’s other side.

Alex woke up first, which was far more normal than the day before. He had surprised himself by sleeping in. But once again, norms had fled from Alex’s life, and he barely moved an inch after he came to.

Laf had pressed a hand firmly into the hollow below Alex’s ribs, their head just above his. It reminded him eerily of his mother and the way she had held him- the same tender love, just different.

John’s hair had fallen into his face, the soft curls splicing through the freckles. Alex longed to see John’s eyes. Alex had his hand on John’s waist, their bodies fitting seamlessly together as if they had been hand tailored by Herc.

Herc was level with Laf, his head resting above John’s. His big hands braced John to his own chest, one draped over Alex’s. He looked peaceful there, the anxious glances towards his partners gone.

God, he was lucky. So lucky.

Alex drifted off into sleep again.

 

“Wait, so you guys are _trying_ to get Lizzie in on it. But you don’t know if she’s gay.”

“Yeah, basically,” Peggy sung, her feet up on her old desk. Maria looked at her with raised eyebrows, and Eliza with exasperated ones.

“Don’t push her, Peg.”

“I won’t, Eliza; you worry too much.”

“It’s because you’re all idiots and I can’t trust you with anything. I have to worry.” Eliza leaned forward, frowning. Maria intertwined their hands, rubbing her tan fingers across Eliza’s porcelain knuckles.

“Oh, get a room. And thanks.”

“You’re welcome.”

Maria watched their banter with passive interest, not concerned, but too “in it” to not pay attention. She sighed and flopped back onto the bed, rubbing at her eyes. The Schuyler’s house was beautiful, Eliza’s parents were welcoming and kind, Eliza herself grew more and more perfect every day.

This was all she ever wanted.

Maybe even more.

 

John posted the video before he could find time to question it. He closed his eyes and breathed heavily, feeling even lighter than before. This was getting better.

It was wonderful to just spill it all out.

 

“Hey guys, I’m sorry I’m not posting art this week, but there’s something I need to talk about. Something that really matters to me. As you can probably see by the title, this is a message to Henry Laurens.”

 

The video made it to the news pretty quickly. Videos like that were certainly not uncommon, but one from somebody like John drew attention.

 

“In my Q and A, there were a few questions I couldn’t answer but wanted to put out anyway. The first one asked what my last name was. This was something I kept secret from people who are now very close to me for a long time because I was embarrassed.”

 

That’s what it was. He had been ashamed of himself, his family, his past. John’s newfound confidence showed him what he’d been lacking. Maybe it was the love he had, the friends, the family. Maybe it was the independence. John didn’t know, but he was glad for it all the same.

 

“I’m a Laurens, and I’m proud to be one. I wouldn’t change my name for anything. I’m seeing now that it’s as much a part of me as my hair. I had my reasons, but I don’t anymore.”

 

jjprinceton: oh my god

 

onyxheart: you go john own that name

 

katykat: I’m already crying

 

“So, yeah. My name is John Laurens. I like art a ton, turtles an unhealthy amount, and I’m a supporter of the things my father is against. Basic human rights and all that.”

 

John had ordered a few pride shirts. A huge pride flag. This was what he believed in and that wasn’t going to change any time soon. Laf had promised to take him to the next Pride. John was already excited. He’d been mapping out various marches and protests he wanted to go to.  

 

“But this isn’t one of those “face reveal” videos. This is also a coming out video. Hey, Dad. I know you’re watching now. I’d like to say that I’m hella gay. I also happen to be in a relationship with two wonderful men and a non-binary person.”

 

supertrouper: fuuuuuuuuuuck yeah

 

wambamthankumaam: I think we all saw this coming

 

hellofrommybedroom: OTPPPPPPP

 

“I think you know who they are. We’re absurdly happy. I’m absurdly in love.”

 

He was in love. Totally, definitively, and completely in love.

 

“What I’m getting at here, Dad, is that I’m done. I’m not hiding from you anymore, and I’m not hiding from the world. Your secrets won’t be so secret anymore, because I am your secret and you know it. You’ve built a clever trap, Dad, but it looks like you’ve caught yourself.”

 

 _Poetic_ , the papers called it. They’d jumped onto the story as soon as it emerged. A controversial politician’s son coming out and suggesting abuse in one video? A son that seemed like a good person in general? Let the articles flow.

 

“I don’t really care what you do to me. I can manage. I don’t really care what you say to me because I’ve heard it before. There’s one thing I _do_ care about though, and that’s my partners.”

 

They were his, his, and only his. John had slept beside them for only two nights and already knew that he wanted to do so for the rest of his life. He cared so much that he wanted to get down on one knee and propose.

 

“If you ever lay a hand on Laf, Herc, or Alexander, you’ll regret it.”

 

That voice was hard, threatening. A true statement, no doubt. He’d done what he had to do. He just hoped it’d work out.

 

The screen went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's badass john
> 
> he's back


	34. Idk Pt. 3

well hello my dearest readers

i have a few important updates to this story

a) you guys have no idea how amazing this experience has been. you keep making my day and I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH

b) this is not the end. i'm planning on writing a sequel that takes place during freshman year (i didn't have a girlfriend or a clue) (i'm sorry i'll stop now). it will also be as loose ended and messy as this one because i'm a little shit who doesn't ever proof read her stuff and/or plan plot lines

c) i have camp for next two weeks but you can expect an update on Raise a Glass to Freshman Year when i get back bc i'll probably have written a toooooon of stuff. no electronics at camp tho so no publishing

okay ilysm keep on being awesome and i'll see you in a little while 

-rosy

p.s. i don't capitalize stuff here because there's no autocorrect and i'm lazy

p.s.s no you have no idea how amazing yall are


	35. Idk Pt. There's Too Many of These

UPDATE YALL

I'm back woooooo that did not feel like two weeks but it was amazing to see my squad again. Anyway hi welcome to rosy has too much energy. WELP I have some "great" ideas for this sequel (haha) that you guys will probably hate me for. That fic will be up asap

Hope you guys have a good weekend and see ya soon!!!

Very platonic love from.... wait for it....

ROSYYYYYYYYYYYYY


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